Laylor in real life

Excuses for love

{Taylor POV}
Laura left. She's gone. I know it's already been a couple days but it feels like forever; and I know I have Carrie but I feel so alone.
I'm just sitting here. On my bed. On the dark. Surrounded by my thoughts. It's killing me knowing she's so far away. Ugh. I should try to get my mind off it. I'm gonna try to sleep actually.
My thoughts of sleep are quickly interrupted by my phone ringing. I look at the caller, hoping it be Laura, and see Carrie. I pick up with exhaustion.

"Hello" I mumbled

"Taylor? Why haven't you answered any of my calls for the past week?" Carrie said through the phone

Shit. I never told her about my week with Laura. I thought I did. Shit.

"I've been busy with personal things, sorry" I stutter

"It's fine I wish you would've just told me, I still am your girlfriend ya know" she said so deadpan

"Well I'm free now and for the next couple weeks I guess" I said even more depressed thn thinking it

"Do you want to go grab lunch? I feel like its been forever. I need my babes!" Carrie said in a whiney tone

Unwilling to get up but forcing it,
"Uh...sure"

"Great. Meet me at the coffee shop at the end of my street"

"Okay. Bye" I whisper those last words.

I don't want to get up. I think I'm sick. My head hurts and I just want to sleep. But I feel this emptiness inside me. I feel home sick. But I am home...but I don't feel home. This doesn't have anything to do with Laura leaving...does it? I hope not. I mean, she's already gone and won't be back until August and it's mid July.
Forgetting I have a responsibility to meet my girlfriend, I sit on the couch for another moment. Why does it feel like a chore to see her? All these questions and no answers, it's all giving me a headache.
I ignore it again and just throw on some simple black jeans and a plain white shirt. I hop in my car and drive to the coffee shop. I walk in to see Carrie sitting at a table waiting for me. I walk up to her with a smile but she quickly lost hers as I began to spoke.

"Hey babes" I say softly

" Hey. Are you okay you don't look too great. Have you been crying?" She said as she stood up

Not noticing my tear stains until now, I wipe them away.
"Uh...yea. I've just been sad about Laura leaving, that's all"

Once I said that Carrie's expression lost all emotion and her smile faded. Taylor noticed but didn't bring it up, but Carrie did.

"So she just left. How long ago?"

"Only a couple of days. Why?" I ask in confusion

"Did you spend time with her before she left?" Carrie kept asking

"Yes. We spent a lot of time together" I say in innocence

"You spent a week avoiding my calls to hang out with Laura" Carrie says out of nowhere

"Avoiding your calls?! I wanted to spend time with my friend! Is that so wrong?" I say defensively

"When you purposely ignore me it is!"

"I wasn't ignoring-"
Carrie cut me off

"Tell me you were ignoring me. Look me in the eyes and tell me."

I get weak in the knees as she says that. I can't lie to her. I also can't tell her I was avoiding her.

"No" is all I can say.
Not even sure what it means, I say it. I can't even look at her. The tears in my eyes are too blinding.

"Leave" she said violently

"Carrie-"
I was cut off by her walking out of the store. I was left in my seat, speechless.

I drive home and don't speak. I don't call anyone I don't leave my house for any reason. I feel so alone right now. Laura is nowhere near me and Carrie doesn't want to talk to me again. I can't blame Laura for this; I'm the one who avoided the calls. I could've checked in... I should've checked in.
I need to make this up to Carrie. But she doesn't want to see me. Maybe she does though. Maybe she's waiting for me to come and apologize. I have to. I should at least try.
I drive to her apartment and run up the stairs to her front door. I stand in front of her door breathing loudly. I reach for the knob. Slowly and steadily. I pull away quickly. I can't do this. Instead a urge just overpowered me and I knocked loudly. Immediately, I regret it.
Seconds later, a puffy-eyed Carrie opened the door. She looked surprised that I was standing on front of her. I stuttered at first but was able to start conversation.

"Carrie... I- you didn't let me explain"
I try to convince her to listen

"Just answer this one question; do you have feelings for Laura?"

Those words pierced my ears. It hurt to see her like this. I didn't even know the answer to the question. Laura is my friend and I do feel a special way around her but I wouldn't exactly call it feelings. But I couldn't deny she made me feel a certain way.

I stare Carrie in the eyes. Words incapable to escape my mouth. I just let my body go.
"No"

---------------

I didn't lie to Carrie. I never lied to Carrie. Not about me, Laura, me and Laura. I would never lie to her about anything...I was lying to myself. I did not want to face the fact that I might have feelings for Laura. I did not want to face the fact that Laura made me feel great. She was my favorite person to touch or to stare at or to just talk to. I hid my feelings for Laura because I convinced myself that Carrie would help get my mind off it. It didn't. I still think about Laura more than Carrie.
Carrie forgave me. If she hadn't, I don't know what I would've done. I would have no one. I would have to go to my family but I can't explain this whole mess to them.
I asked Carrie to give me space for a while. I haven't seen her in a couple days. I need to clear my mind of this whole Laura thing. I don't even know what to do. Do I have feelings for Laura? Yes. Do I want to admit it? No. Am I hiding from it because I'm terrified of the outcome...I don't know.
All I know now is that I'm with Carrie and Laura isn't here to distract me from her. This is how it was meant to be