Feelings are Over-Rated (KyleXZac)

CHAPTER FOUR

It has been a week since Kyle's first day and in that time, we've gotten so close. Closer than I thought I could ever get to anyone. It's strange to actually have a friend, you know? Someone to talk to, someone to listen to, someone to just be with. It's different than what I've known my whole life. But there is one bad thing about all of this.

I'm falling for Kyle.

I didn't want to accept it at first. I've never really felt this way about any other guy before. Or anyone, really. But I'm pretty sure I like him as more than a friend. And everyday, I fall a little bit harder. It's the way he talks to me. His playful tone, which can also be serious. It's the way he smiles at me. One side of his mouth curls up higher than the other. It's the way he listens to me. Pure concentration on his face, taking in everything I say, showing that he really cares. It's everything about him. I notice things about him that no one else does.

I shouldn't feel this way about him. Not about Kyle. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it. I do. I do feel this way about Kyle. I can't change it. I shouldn't want to change it. I should be okay with how I feel. Accept myself. But is it that easy?

I know I have to learn to accept myself soon because I'm certain of my feelings towards Kyle. My heart leaps every time I see him, my stomach gets butterflies when he looks into my eyes, and every comment he makes or story he tells, I am completely enthralled.

I wish I could tell Kyle of my feeling towards him, but I can't. At least not yet. Maybe not ever. For now I'll just keep it inside. Pounding in my head, wanting to escape.

But for right now, I need to stop thinking about it, because it's time for my favorite class if the day. Free period with Kyle. As we sit on the stage, I try to clear my head of these unwelcome thoughts. Kyle seems to notice.

"Is everything okay?" Kyle asks.

"Yeah. Just kind of spacing out." I lie.

For most of the period, we talk about most of the random crap we usually talk about. Then Kyle surprises me with a question I never really expected him to ask.

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"I um no. Why do you ask?"

"I don't know. I was curious. We've never really talked about that sort of thing."

"I-I guess you're right. We haven't." We're silent for a moment. "Do you?" I ask. He laughs lightly.

"Of course not. No one wants to date me. I've never had a girlfriend."

"I haven't either. Why would you say no one wants to date you?"

"Have you ever seen me? Or talked to me?"

"Yeah I have. And that doesn't answer my question. There's nothing wrong with how you look or act."

"Well I guess that makes you the only one in the world to think that."

"Oh come on, Kyle." I say, trying to change his mind. "Everyone at your old school is stupid. They don't realize how amazing you are. And now look what they've done to you. They made you believe all these lies."

"They aren't lies. They're all true and I know it. That's why no one likes me." Kyle reasoned. I couldn't take much more of this. What started as a simple question turned into Kyle hating on himself.

"Please stop talking so badly about yourself."

"How can I when those people drilled all those things into my head? They called me ugly. They called me stupid. They called me every name in the book, so that's how I see myself now."