Where I Found You

Chapter 32 - It's Will.

Chapter 32 - It's Will.

Fuck, it's almost the holidays.

I don't want to go back. It feels like I've only just got here after the October break and yet everyone is talking about Christmas. Girls from the Mardi Gras are on about a party that they're going to have before we all go home but I know that I'm not going to be going, even if it means staying in all night and playing video games. I can't afford to get into anymore trouble.

Ruining what Alyssa and I had ruined me. I ruined me.

I still find myself thinking at three in the morning when I still haven't got to sleep, about the day I took Katy and Niall to the hospital. How we sat there in the waiting room of the Accident and Emergency clinic as a three, all in a line, and I should have gone home but something made me stay and see if they'd be okay. Besides, it would be better to drop them home than abandon them there.

"So what's new?" Niall had asked me, as Katy sat there sulkily.

I raised an eyebrow. "Nothing. Nothing at all."

"Don't chase after Alyssa. Jack - the guy you saw earlier - has already taken her," he told me casually. So casually that it was as if he was telling me a certain direction not to go in when travelling on the road.

I felt like screaming at him and telling him that I knew, that I'd seen it, that Katy had already told me. I'd like to have told him I didn't care. I'd like to have also told him that he had no business intruding but I remember the days when we were each other's best friend and we'd intrude on every little bit of eachother's personal life.

And God, I wanted to really slam my fist into that guy's face who had stolen Alyssa. But he hadn't really stolen her . . . I'd let her go and he'd found her. Finders keepers, right?

I snort to myself as I shake my head, sat on my bed flipping through that book that Miki told me to get out of the library - To Kill A Mockingbird. I've only read the first chapter - so far it's slow and uneventful, just some person telling a story about a madman living in a house on her road.

Sterling suddenly appears from the bathroom door and glances at me. I look up to see that he's dressed in his heavily padded blue coat, and he's got a hat on.

"I'm . . . Meeting Keira at the Mardi Gras," he says, and for once he looks nervous. It's crazy. But I guess me sitting on my bed reading a book is crazy.

"Isn't she working?" I raise an eyebrow, and then look at the clock which reads half seven in the evening.

Sterling looks at me shiftily then suddenly smiles. "Um . . . Well, yeah. She finishes in an hour so I'll sit there and then we're gonna go see a movie." He grins.

"Film," I correct him, and he rolls his eyes before I hear myself saying, "Have fun."

-

I buy Christmas presents (for Sterling, my family, Martin, Anthony, Miki, and the girls at the Mardi Gras).

I call Leila (she's been going to a rehab clinic in Oxford more than twice a week, or so she tells me. I will know when I get back home).

And, I go to work. It gets busier and busier as more people are eating inside while they're out and they're looking for somewhere cosy. To put it straight, I work like an animal and even do a few extra shifts. The manager doesn't seem to mind seeing me basically all the time, and anything to get my mind off distractions which just make me unhappy works.

I pass Alyssa's door. There's always music playing, whether it's Coldplay or The Killers or Taylor Swift or something I don't recognise. I think it means she's alone. I don't ever stop outside and listen, but I wonder.

I see Myra a few times, and she's always alone. I'm starting to think that she just can't go a long time without trying to stir up trouble. She's a right shit-stirrer. A part of me is starting to think that the new year will bring along even more shit where she's concerned. I have images of her in my head sitting at her desk at home with notebooks and maps and her laptop, trying to figure out how to make anyone's life even more hellish in the new year.

Soon enough, everyone's had that party they were talking about and Sterling's brought me back beer which still sits in the fridge the next day while we're packing to go home, untouched. We're silent because Sterling is so hungover that he can't even have music, and after zipping up my bag one last time I stare out at the rain pounding heavily on the window.

"You want your present?" Sterling asks, raising an eyebrow.

I glance over at him to see him stood amidst a pile of laundry, one shoe on, his Afro hair even huger than normal. As I take out the CD (Neutral Milk Hotel) and gloves (which he showed me one day and couldn't afford) I bought him and that Keira wrapped for me - since I had no paper - I feel something light hit the back of my head.

I turn around and pick up the thin parcel, wrapped in brown paper with the words DON'T OPEN TIL XMAS on, then cautiously walk over to him and place the my packages in his hand.

"Merry Christmas, man." He grins and then hits my shoulder, attempting to be tough and violent, but it's light.

I smile. "Seasons greetings and all that."

"Thanks."

I give him a glare. "Don't open it until Christmas morning."

"At least I reminded you of that on mine. I might forget, and open yours within the next few days," Sterling teases.

"Loser." I laugh and shake my head, then go into the kitchen to check I have everything. Then I do the same in the bathroom and go out to him, watching as he throws clothes at random into a bag, whether they are clean or dirty, ironed or creased, folded or unfolded.

"Text me if my ma is out there," he requests, without looking up. I sigh and get my things together.

"Right. Well I hope you have a nice Christmas." I swing one bag over my shoulder.

"Or whatever."

"Or whatever," I reply with a shrug.

He grins - all of a sudden it's there. "Thanks. Same to you, William."

-

Leila is very quiet when I am through the door and sitting in the kitchen and talking to my parents. I'm convinced that only means something bad, but when I go into the sitting room to put all their presents under our overly-decorated Christmas tree (mum got some kids next door to help her), Leila follows me and we both sit cross-legged on the rug, like we used to when we were little.

"It's going good," she whispers. "I've got this medication and they said they're gonna slowly wean me off it."

"And is that bastard staying away from you?" I demand, in a low voice.

She looks like she's been electrocuted for a second, but then slowly nods. "Yeah, but don't call him that-"

"It's the truth, Leila," I mutter, then sigh. "How's everything else then?"

"Alright." She shrugs. "How you coping?"

My mind immediately flashes to Alyssa, and everyone else. My insides have this permanent ache which I've gotten used to, but sometimes it fluctuates as it is now, intensifying. I stare at my sister glumly.

"I feel like I'm never gonna get a break." I shield myself from the hurtful things she might say now, like how I deserve it for hurting Alyssa and I'm stupid, but all she does is crawl close to me and wrap her arms around me. Never in a million years had I thought that we'd get so much along in the middle of these awful situations, but that's what awful situations do, I guess.

"It'll work out," she mumbles into my ear, and I allow myself to relax in the comforting aura of my older sister; her soft brown hair, gentle arms.

---

Sorry it's been ages :) I'm on my school break right now and I'm in Belgium, so I decided to upload a chapter because I've been writing when I'm not busy. Expect some more chapters soon ;) Thanks so much for reading, don't forge to vote and comment because your opinions mean the world to me!