Where I Found You

Chapter 11 - Alyssa.

Chapter 11 - Alyssa now.

The window is steamed up with rain water as I am shaken awake. Shaken awake by my phone ringing. I look around to see that my coat is still wrapped around me, my shoes are still on, my books are all over my bed.

It feels like my soul is detached from my actual body as I feel around under the books and papers and quilt for my phone. When I am able to see properly through my blurry vision after blinking numerous times, I see the word J A C K on the screen.

And last night comes rushing back to me, where I stood out in the rain for ages, not even knowing what to do with myself but wanting to call someone I knew. And Jack came before Katy and Niall and Reina and Zara, because the letter J comes before K and N and R and Z so I decided to call him. But I never got through.

And now he's calling back? Now that it suits him, or he just feels like calling me back now because he is bored? I know what peoples' minds are like and I don't trust boys any more.

But I still answer.

"Hi," I say, rather hoarsely and sleepily.

Silence for a few seconds - short, but long enough to be acknowledged.

Then, "Uh- hey. Did you try to call me last night? I'm sorry, I was asleep. I only saw it now."

I wonder if that's a lie.

I wonder how much Jack Hart lies on a regular basis.

I wonder how much every boy lies.

As I run a hand over my face, and I'm sure he's getting impatient, I feel dry tear stains. It brings back yesterday and all the feelings woven in with yesterday and it makes me want to cry. And I do. As I talk to him, the tears roll silently over my cold cheeks.

"It's okay," I whisper, my voice wavering. The truth is I don't know why I called Jack Hart. It couldn't be just because J comes before all the other letters that my friends' names begin with. Most girls would call their mother. Jack is not my mother.

Do I trust him more than my own mum?

"So what's that big old place like? Everything going okay?" His voice is so soft and tender and gentle and soothing that I have to bite my tongue from letting out a cry. I hold the phone away from me and take a big sniff, before putting it back against my ear.

I begin to nod, even though he can't see me. And I open my mouth, to say yes. I don't want to say yes though... I have to let someone know what I'm feeling. It's so vital. It's vital, now.

"I'm . . . I'm going to come home for the day."

"What? Why? Aren't you gonna miss everything-"

"Yeah, but I need to come home," I mumble and press my hand over my mouth.

"Alyssa," he sighs. "What's wrong? Why are you coming home?" I can tell he's bored. I'm not important, I never will be. Guess I don't need to be, anyway. Not to Jack Hart.

"Can you just not ask questions?" I blurt out, and I want to be looking at him right now. I hate talking on the phone, especially to people I can't work out.

Which seems to be everyone.

I want to see them, to see them focusing on me because I want to feel like what I'm saying really does matter in the world - to someone at least - even if it isn't reality.

The next word comes out of his mouth cautiously, "Okay. I won't ask questions . . . "

"Good. Neither will I, Jack," I say to him, then curl up into a ball and close my eyes tight. "Now tell me something I don't know. Anything. I need to hear something I don't know."