Secretly 29

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I felt so heavy when I left the hospital. Harry revealed everything to me what truly happened that night, the night when Elaine died. I still couldn't believe it, but it happened.

Panay ang tulo ng mga luha ko ng sabihin ni Harry sa akin ang totoong nangyari. I cried until my eyes were sunken and maybe if I looked at the mirror right now, I'd see dark bags under my eyes. I could tell that my eyeliner too was messed up on my face.

"I just want to know his condition, miss." I heard a familiar voice and I couldn't be wrong when I thought it was Miguel. I turned to look at the nurse desk, and Miguel was leaning over the flat surface, trying to have a decent conversation with the nurse. Miguel?

"The patient you're inquiring sir is under the police custody, unless you have set an appointment with the police you can't visit." Pagpapaliwanag sa kanya ng nurse.

"I'm not visiting, I'm just inquiring if he's okay."

"Sir, sorry po talaga pero hindi po kami nagdi-disclose ng impormasyon if wala pong permiso sa pasyente o sa polisya. Unless if you have an ID to prove you're a relative. Kaanu-ano niyo po ba ang pasyente?"

Nakita kong hindi agad nakasagot si Miguel, kung noon nagtataka ako kung bakit hindi niya inaaming magkapatid sila sa publiko, ngayon ay naiintidihan ko na kung bakit. At habang inaalala ko ang mga sinabi ni Harry, naninikip ang dibdib ko. Paano na si Miguel? How should I handle the situation now?

"I'm just...I'm his..." Narinig kong sabi ni Miguel at alam kong nahihirapan siya kung itutuloy ba ang sasabihin o hindi. His hands were clenching at his sides. "I'm his..."

"Miguel!" Tawag ko sa kanya upang hindi matuloy ang kung ano man ang sasabihin niya. I raced towards him, but I couldn't look straight to his eyes. Instead, I looked at the nurse.

"Clarice?" He gasped.

"He's with me, miss. Abogada ako ng pasyenteng hinahanap niya. But it's fine now, since he'll be going with me."

"Ah, ganun naman po pala." The nurse heaved a sigh of relief. Even though I wasn't looking at Miguel, I could feel his murdering stares. Pouring a goodbye smile at the nurse, I then grabbed Miguel's arm and pulled him with me away from the desk.

"What are you doing, Clarice? I'm still talking with the nurse." Diin niya pero hinigpitan ko lalo ang pagkakahawak ko sa kanyang braso, in case he'd pull away.

"Harry's okay, Miguel. He won't try suicide again, I assure you that." Sabi ko habang naglalakad pa rin sa hallway. I could feel my own heart thumping so fast, and at the same time I felt so suffocated. Honestly, I wanted to hug Miguel and tell him everything's going to be alright. Pero mandadaya ako sa sarili ko kapag ginawa ko yun, dahil alam kong hindi okay. At wala pa akong sagot kung kailan magiging okay ang lahat. Maybe it's the same feeling and reason why Harry decided to commit suicide, ang pinagkaiba lang namin is that I fear God, and I have faith with Him to settle things right. Harry on the other hand, made a way on his own.

Habang iniisip ko yun ay hindi ko namamalayan na humihikbi na pala ako. I was trying my best to suppress my sob, but Miguel could hear it and he stopped from the pace. "What's wrong, Clarry?"

Hearing him ask made my sobs more louder, I had to let go of his arm just to washed the tears off my eyes. Why, Lord? Why Miguel, of all people? I silently muttered.

Miguel grabbed my shoulder and forced me to face him, and I looked away when he did. "Wala naman." Sabi ko sa kanya pero alam kong hindi kapani-paniwala. Gosh, these tears ruined my make-up. I must have looked terrible now.

"The nerve, Clarry! You're crying in front of me right after you visited Harry, and you say it's nothing? Do you think I'm stupid?" May halong galit sa kanyang boses. I couldn't look at him. And when I did look at him, I didn't want to believe that he could do such a thing. Maybe what Harry said was wrong after all. I was going crazy, I knew that.

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