the day i met him ↠ phan

Part 6- Leaving

I woke up the next day, eyes puffy and red. I don't want to go to school today. I dont want to get up today. I don't want to see Phil today. I don't want to live today. I can't believe he betrayed me like that. I actually thought it would work out this time. I thought it would be alright. Of course it won't. It never is. I just lay there, emotionless, thinking of what I did wrong. I know Phil would tell me it wasn't my fault and not to blame myself but if it isn't my fault who's is it? I give up. I know Phil is only one person but he's the only one who's ever been there for me. The only one who's ever cared for me or wanted to know how my day went without being forced to say it out of pity. I just want him. I can't stop thinking about him. I want to stop I really do but my thighs won't let me rest. Maybe I should go somewhere to distract myself. I decided on that and stand up, my head spinning from not eating for so long. I know I should but maybe if I look good Phil will want me back. If he sees I have control over something he will take me as his own.
I leave my room, looking around for Phil or Katie. I peer into his room and see something that crushes my heart even more. Phil and Katie are sleeping with each other. He looks so happy. He looks happier with her than he did with me. I stare in envy. Why can't that be me. I feel hot tears rolling down my cheeks and I feel my face heat up, sobs threatening to come out any second. I run out of the door before I make any noise that would wake them up. I still feel tears rolling down my face as I'm waking down the block to the liquor store. I decide to pull on my hoodie before walking in to conceal my stained face.
I look around for a bit, dreading going home because I know that when I return Phil will be with her. I grab a bottle of Jack and walk up to the cashier. After I pay I open the bottle, excited for the numbness to overcome me and take over my thoughts. Making me forget. Even if it's for a little while.

I get home and of course he's with her. I slam the door loudly, which gets Phil's attention. "Dan what are you doing you can't drink your underage!" He has some nerve.

"I know! I'm not stupid Phil" I scowl at him. I hate him. I hate him so much. I pause and make a nasty face at him and Katie. Does he have any idea what he's doing to me? I shove past them and plop onto a kitchen chair, still glaring at them.

"Dan what is wrong with you?! You've been acting like a child all week! I've had enough" he said walking towards me. How dare he. He knows exactly what he's doing and he's doing it on purpose.

I laugh "You know exactly what your doing Phil."

He furrows his brows and responds "No! No I dont now stop its not cute and it's not going to help anyone"
Those words hurt me but I acted like I didn't care

"Oh shut up Phil. Tell me why your doing this to me! Why?!" I start getting angry. "You know how I feel..." I look down in shame, and I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

"Please Dan...understand. "he looks so sincere but I just can't understand why anyone would do this. I shake my head and I feel the tears streaming down now, not showing any sign of stopping soon.

"I love you Phil...you know that" I stand up, now looking Phil in the eyes.

"Dan I'm..im sorry" he starts walking away and that's when I know what I have to do. He doesn't love me. He never did. He never will. If he can't love me no one will. I slide down the wall and bury my head into my knees. Do it
Do it
Do it
I can't. I won't.
You will
You have to
Should I? No one needs me here so what's the point. Phil has her and he's all that I have. I'll just let her have him. I start feeling the numbness spread through my body. I love this feeling. I need more. I'll have more. I chug as much as I can before I start to gag. I need more. I try to stand but fail and fall back down, my vision starting to blur.

I want Phil. I need Phil.

He doesn't want you. He wants her. He doesn't need you. No one needs you.

Your right. What's the point then. I attempt to stand again, and succeed this time. Barley. I stumble towards the small table across from me, falling once again but holding on the side for stability. I open up the drawer and scavenge for a note pad and a pen. Once I find it I let my grip go and fall back onto the ground, starting to lose all sense of my surroundings. I quickly jot down my thoughts.

Phil :
I know this is a happy moment for you. No need to deny it. I have a lot to say to you, you know that. First off I would like to congratulate you on the loss of me. It was an honor knowing you Phil it really was. Sadly you don't feel the same way so I will gladly leave. Phil in all seriousness, you were one of the best things to happen to me, but you were also one of the worst. You broke my heart. But remember that deep down I will always be with you. Congrats on Katie, hope you have a happy life. I love you. Goodbye

~Dan

I'm finally going to leave him, and he will be happy. I grabbed a bottle of pills while I grabbed the note pad and pen so I quickly opened the cap and poured them into my palm. I tilted my head back and poured it down with a swig of Jack. Finally I will be gone finally it will be over.

My stomach began to feel weird and I felt nauseous. Come on Dan don't throw up. I managed to keep it down but before I could close my eyes and relax, in came Phil. Of course. It was a mess. Pills everywhere, my alcohol spilled across the floor and me laying there, arms spread. Phil came running to my side, crying out loud and holding onto my hand.

"Dan it's okay. You'll be okay " he managed to choke out. I shook my head, mouthing the words 'no' because it wasn't going to be. Phil was on the phone with an ambulance, he ruined it. My eyes began to close. Yes. It's working. Finally. Everything was going black and the last thing I saw was Phil. Oh how I love Phil. It was nice to have his beautiful face as my last sight before everything went black, and my happiness was achieved.