the day i met him ↠ phan

part 10 - Violet

Things were getting bad again. Sure me and Phil had a great night last night but I just wasn't feeling it today. I have my good days and bad days, and sometimes there's really bad days. Today was a really bad day. My head felt like it was going to explode. It could be the medication. For some people all the medication does is make it worse. All I knew was that today was going to be bad, I just don't want to do anything I'll regret. I sat up in bed, rubbing my temples. In came Phil, and he had some coffee and toast with him. I don't want the toast today, it'll make me feel gross and fat. And all that'll do is make everything worse.

"Dan, what's wrong?" he noticed I wasn't feeling good and rushed to my side.

I shook my head "nothing, I just think the medication John gave me is making things worse" he sighed, and stood up, grabbing a towel and going into the restroom. He came back quickly with a warm tag. "here" he placed it on my head "that might help? Sorry I'm not good at this" I nodded and motioned for him to get out of the room. The rag somewhat helped with the throbbing pain my head was experiencing.

I removed the rag after it was bearable, and grabbed my coffee. I checked my drawers for my secret flask that I have in case of an 'emergency' and soon found it. I poured at least half of it into my coffee and downed it. I felt the all too familiar liquid sting my throat while going down. I sighed, my head felt better already, things were blurry and all but the pain was going away and the voices were less intense. I remember why I used to drink so much, I should drink more often.

I was about to stand up and go downstairs when Phil burst in "um, I called John and he said he wants to see you immediately" I nodded, gripping the bed stand for balance. Luckily phil didn't notice my tipsy state and offered to give me a ride to the therapist. I agreed to that and shooed him away once again. The office was about an hour away which was time for the alcohol to ware off. I didn't want John or Phil to see me like this, I wouldn't want them to be concerned or anything. This was just an occasional headache and an occasional drink.

Now that Phil wasn't in sight, I rummaged through my drawers, searching for my pack of cigarettes. I wasn't a smoker but I use these when I'm stressed or having a hard time with the voices. It calms things down thats all. I stuffed them in my pocket and made my way downstairs.

"ready?" Phil asked me, and I nodded in response.
-
We made it there in an hour, as I expected and the alcohol has been worn off by then. He looked to me "okay, I'll be waiting here when your done" I exited the car and made my way into the hospital.

The lady at the desk, who's name tag read 'Becky'. She looked up at me and scowled, slamming her clipboard on the table.

"who are you here for" she practically yelled, causing me to feel uncomfortable and nervous.

I tugged at my sleeves "um, Dr.Connor"

She pointed to the hall "all the way down to the right. He got a new office"

I nodded, thanking her, she ignored me, returning to her phone. I made it to his office and nervously knocked. He opened the door and greeted me. I was unable to respond because of the state I was in. I couldn't concentrate on anything and I was so scared for no reason. He noticed my nervousness and let me in, guiding me to a seat.

"So, Daniel, how are you" he asked, grabbing his note pad.

"um, well not good" I said, staring at my shoes.

"go on"

"I um, well first of all, I'm starting to have the desire to drink and smoke again. I also have the urge to self harm again, and to stop eating. I feel I'm getting heavy and I don't want to scare Phil away with this all so please..." I explained, still staring at my shoes.

"hm I see" he nodded, while writing something in his note pad. "well, Daniel, my suggestion is talking to someone about this. Yes I'm here for that but I mean talk to someone your friends with, like Phil, or maybe that girl...violet? Yes Violet Talk to one of them, let it out." he smiled and showed me the way out. He was in a rush, I could tell, but I didn't mind. He gave me good advice. Talking to Violet would really help me, I believe.

I made my way out, glaring at Becky on the way out. I wonder what her problem is, she's such an ass. I figured I should find a different exit, so Phil doesn't see me smoking my fags. I left the hospital finally, and pulled out my packet, pulling out a cigarette. I lit it, and walked to the bar for support. I wasn't paying attention to anything around me besides the beautiful garden in front of me. I saw some people that attended the hospital, that I got to get to know. One boy that I took quite a liking to, was sitting on S bench that we sat on together for most of the time, he was fairly attractive and we share many hobbies.

"Dan?" I head a familiar voice call out to me. I looked to see who it was and there she was, the girl I was longing to see.

"v-violet" I ran into her arms, enveloping her in my jacket. "aren't you cold??" I gave her a strange look but she just seems kind of....dead. She looked tired, her skin was pale and her eyes and dark circles under. She didn't seem to smile much either, not as much as before.

"hi Dan" she turned away, returning to her cigarette. "you know you missed graduation"

I nodded, also returning to my cigarette. "so what are you doing here" I asked, trying to hide the concern that was clear in my voice.

"I didn't have anyone to talk to, and I went mad, so my parents put me in this shit hole" she took one last drag of her cigarette before putting it out and throwing it in the garden.

I did the same, asking "are you still admitted in here"

"nope, they let me out like yesterday, I'm here for some shit therapy. Doesn't even work" she sighed, walking nearer.

"depends"

"alright" she gave a soft laugh.

"I've been meaning to text you. I really needed someone" I explained

"oh right, your too busy, it's fine" she seemed slightly annoyed.

"look I'm really sorry, how about I take you to my place? We'll catch up there"

She nodded, and walked with me to where Phil was.

Phil met Violet, and drove us home. We made it there and Phil began to prepare out lunch, which I needed to eat to take my new meds with. I walked her up to my room, showing her around.

"this is cool" she said, sliding her fingers across every poster I had hung up. I laughed and told her to sit. We mostly talked about why she got put in there at first. Turns out ever since I stopped talking to her, she didn't have anyone to talk to about her problems, anyone to comfort her, so she went insane and became a danger to herself and others, which caused her parents to cage her up. She claims she's fine now, which I don't believe for a second but I don't argue. I explained my dilemma to her, the sudden change in mood, the urges. She said it was most likely the medication which did make me feel better.

Phil called down for us in about 30 mins and we went down. He had made tea, and sandwiches. I gladly took the tea but Phil forced me to eat the sandwich, because meds.

We finished eating up when Violet spoke up "um, guys I want to ask something" we both nodded, she went on "well, I don't exactly have anywhere to live. My mum passed while I was in the hospital"

"oh, I'm sorry" Phil said "of course you can stay here" she smiled thanking him and giving him a small hug.

"I'll show you your room later on" I told her. She nodded, and went upstairs, leaving me and Phil alone here.

"promise me you'll be okay dan" he said, worry laced through his voice.

I sighed "promise Phil" he smiled, giving me a soft kiss.

The thing is, I can't promise anything. I don't know if I'll be okay. I don't know if I'll be able to stay sane for phil. I don't know if I'll even be alive in the next 5 years. All I know is that I'll try. For him.

A/N

Honestly why do you read this. Anyways, thank you for wasting your time (:

~luke ☁