The Soundtrack

Track #12 Insecurities

This is by far my favorite chapter, I hope you guys like it as well. Please vote and comment! Feel free to express your opinion, negative or positive. :D

Track #12

Insecurities 

"It's been two days and you haven't even bothered in calling me back," My voice mail said and I just shoved my phone away. My head was burried in my pillow and I felt the urge to throw up.

"Baby?"

"Yes, mom?" I asked exhausted, she opened the door slowly.

"Are you alright?" She asked and I nodded. She frowned, "You know you can tell me about it."

"Yeah, I know. I am just really tired," I said holding back the tears. My mom kissed my forehead and exit the room. Tears started to fall, this tears were not because of Drew. It was all thanks to my heart and my luck, it was the frustration of thinking that I always liked the wrong guy.

I had real facts for my argument; like Dylan, Jeffrey and Joe. Joe was my crush for years, He met Clairen and asked her out a bunch of times, but she always said no. Finally, Clairen gave in and they dated. After a while she became uninterested. Joe found out about my crush and we started dating. But it was only because he wanted to make Clairen jealous. I was stupid enough to accept, and when he realized it wasn't working he left me. He crushed my heart to pieces.

Clairen didn't even mind, she had her agenda busy with other boys. I apologized and our relationship got really weird after that, she stopped talking about boy stuff with me. I guess she made out how jealous I was of her.

Why did it always happened to me? Why couldn't a guy liked me back? Why couldn't my heart fall for the right guy? Was it because I wasn't pretty? Was I not pretty enough? Did I had something that scared the guys away?

Was I fat?

"Oh god," I cried feeling the memories coming back. Jeffrey was a another story, he was really cool to me and we were really close. After months, I sort of developed a crush on him.

Guess what happened?

He talked to Clairen ONE time and he fall in love with her.

I felt bad for being jealous at Clairen, it wasn't her fault. She never did it with any sort of bad intention, she cared about me and she considerate me her best friend. Here I was feeling jealous, can you believe it? I didn't want to feel jealous of Clairen, I wanted to be happy for her. Why couldn't I be feel happy for her?

-

I woke up after a couple of hours, my eyes were covered in dried tears and my nose was running. My phone kept on buzzing and buzzing. I angrily took the phone in my hand, I looked at the twenty messages. All from Drew demanding my presence but not because he wanted it. He needed me to do him those stupid verses.

Are you okay?

I need you here now!

You are part of the team now, plant girl.

PLANT GIRL!!!!

York needs to be feed!!

Those lyrics aren't writing themselves.

We need to get those lyrics done.

I buried my head in bed and proceed to sleep some more. When I got another message, I glanced at it. Danielle, you are not cordially invited to our concert next Friday. You are not invited since you are forced to go. We'll perform your first song, it's gonna be pretty cool but it would be cooler if we could get the other done.

Maybe the message would had affected me if he had written; It would be cooler if you could come. Drew was making things extra clear about our relationship, unconsciously, but it still somehow hurt. It hurted me that the only reason he was non-stopping texting was because of my poetry gift.

"Mom, I'm going out!" I shouted reaching for the home keys. I started to randomly drove around as I felt this uncomfortable feeling inside my belly. As if I had just finished from watching Toy Story 3.

"Welcome to Ben & Jerry's, how can I help you?" The guy in the counter asked.

"Can you give me a cherry garcia, please?"

"Sure," the guy nodded as he scooped ice cream in my cone. "It would be $2.30." I handed him the money and recibed my cone. I exited the building and when I was about to enter my car someone pulled me back.

"Are you as courageous as you were back in the cafeteria?" His voice made jump back. He was holding a little too tight my left hand.

"Get the heck off of me, Matthew." I said trying escape.

"What you did back then was very stupid Danielle," He hissed against my ears. "I can't have losers like you disrespecting me. Next time you try something like what you did in the cafeteria you will regret it."

"What are you doing you, crazy asshole?"

"Mind your own business, Clairen." Matthew stated, Clairen shoved him away but he didn't even flinch.

"I'm telling Suzie about this!" Clairen said and Matthew finally released me. He pushed me away causing me to stumble and fall to the ground. The ice cream cone fall all over my pants. Clairen ran toward me worriedly and Matthew walked inside the store. I took a look at my arm, that freak had left a red mark across my wrist. I really wished I had ninja kicked him in the balls but, to be honest, I was terrified of this crazy idiot.

"Are you okay?" she asked pushing her blonde hair behind her ear, she kneed in front of me. I looked away, of all the people, of all the things that could possibly happened to me. It had to be Clairen.

"Let me get you some napkins. I'm so sorry," She said as she raised.

I felt so humiliated and angry. "It's okay, I am fine." I said getting up, I just wanted to leave. I couldn't be close to Clairen right now, I didn't want her to see me cry.

"But - ." Clairen started but I was already in the car by the time. I started the ignite and drove away.

After a few blocks I parked, I could no longer continued. All this emotions were suddenly converted into a torneado. I wanted to crush my heart and throw it away. I wanted to talk to someone, someone who could explain all this to me. To tell me that this was normal, to releate to me, to tell me I wasn't the only one. But I knew my mom wouldn't understand, and I couldn't tell Clairen, I couldn't risk to lose her unleashing all this secret feelings.

When I arrived home, I raced toward my room begging there was nobody in it since I had my eyes full of tears. But to my luck, there was Brenda. Brenda was my oldest sister, she was 21 and, like all of my brothers, we were really close. "Danielle?" She asked worriedly and I just snapped right there. I broke into tears as I ran toward her arms. My cried echoed inside the room, I sounded like a child. Brenda didn't say anything, she caressed my back and hair as I laid in her lap until I drained my tears away.