Rudderless (Urban)

Chapter 4

Jade Parrish

I was hoping that I'd be able to miss 2nd block so I could roam the halls and think. Since, I left I guess the school cracked down on their late kids. Once again the class I'm being sent to, everyone just feels satisfied staring me down. I looked around the class and I became breathless for a moment. I walked over to the back and tilted my head.

"Caleb West." I said.

He lifted his head and looked at me and faced toward the front. I couldn't help but smile and sit my stuff down.

"I missed you." I said intimidatingly. He didn't say anything. I was still being ignored and I didn't mind, our games were always the funnest.
"What's up with everyone ignoring me?" I asked sarcastically.
"Some fear sociopaths like you" He said glaring at me. I rolled my eyes for a moment and maintained my calm.
"Or you all just had a bad day" I placed my hands on his shoulder and he flinched it off.
"So, how was prison?" I asked giggling.

He looked at me and was furious. It seemed as if he was going to knock me out out the chair. I smiled and shrug my shoulders.
"You landed me there" He let out a deep breath.
"You've actually convinced yourself that I did that shit." I opened my purse and reached for my pack of gum. I was sent to a series of flashbacks and I knew that I had no part in his prosecution. As hard as I am, I wasn't born a snitch and I wasn't going to rat out my boyfriend at the time no matter how wrong he was.

He shook his head and tapped his pencil on the desk.

"Gum?" I asked putting mines into my mouth and dangling the pack in his face, he didn't say anything and I placed it back into my purse before the others saw it because you can't have gum in a room full of black folks

No one in the class actually paid any attention to this old lady she was just wasting her last breath while every one was either talking or on their phones. I mean if I was her my ass would've been on retirement by now probably on a cruise ship to Hawaii. She was like a hundred or something and just kept talking to herself. There was silence between me and him for basically the whole class period.

"Look, I'm really sorry for what happened to you and I had no part in it. I was shocked as you were" I said trying to break the ice between us.
"Ion really care nomo" He said scrolling through his phone. *AN* - ION:( I DON'T )
"Then, why are you still mad at me, nigga?" I asked.
"We have nothing to talk about and have no relationship anymore. I let go of what we had and you should do the same" His words came at me like a dagger, I was going to let go of what we had and as I was about to reply to him the bell rang. He got up and rushed out not even looking back at me.

I've never held on to no type of relationship me and that nigga had. He was just someone that was there when I needed him. I mean if he wanna act all in his feelings and shit, so be it. I was left stunned and alone in the class for a while until I snapped back into reality and into the hall.

_____________________

The cafeteria was packed as always and everyone seemed engaged into their own little social cliques. I never ate the nasty school lunch since I saw the lunch lady make a hamburger with no gloves. This school has every fucking component of ghetto written all over it.

I stood in the middle of the cafeteria observing everything and judging the people in my head.  As I was scanning the room I noticed Tavia at her usual seat for over the years. I walked over to the table and sat on the opposite side next to her sister.

"Hi babes" A smirk appeared on my face. The whole table was silenced and they all just plotted their eyes on me.

"Why the fuck you sitting here?" Tavia snapped. I smiled at her and giggled a little. The way I've been analyzing her is just so simple. Slowly pushing her to the edge until she falls to a place where she can't come from.
"I just wanted to talk." I faked a nice part of me to show.
"I don't wanna talk to you. Never. Be a bitch elsewhere" She got up and picked her purse up. Her sister and friend who's name I cannot remember watched intensely.
"Alright. Your brother says he misses you. Then again, he don't give a fuck. I guess you ain't all that tough now, huh? Sometimes you need to stop frontin on shit you can't take care of." As I finished my sentence she wiped tears from her face and stormed out the cafeteria and her sister chased after her. I didn't know that everybody was paying attention to all that. Some started laughing and started making remarks.
"I don't know who the fuck you be thinking you are but, that's my friend and if you ever fuck wid her like that you gon be dealing with me." Her friend got up and stood in my face.

"I'm sorry. Who the fuck are you?" I rolled my eyes.
"I'm Olivia. The bitch thats gon beat the fuck out of you If you ever pull some shit like that again." She rolled her eyes and bumped past me after Tavia.

I turned around and saw that everybody in the cafeteria was staring at me.

"THE SHOW IS OVER. YALL NOSY BITCHES CAN ENJOY YOUR MEAL NOW!" I walked out the cafeteria and into the halls. It's not my fault she's so fragile to be honest I'm actually helping her. Bitch, needs to fuckin grow up. Not everyone get's what they want unlike her I worked for everything I have and It wasn't handed to me by family because I didn't have one.

The parking lot of Monroe started filling as the last bell rang. I spotted my Honda Accord Sedan finding that some students had already turned it into a resting area. The boy laying down on the hood had a blunt in his hand and on the sides was his friends who also had blunts in their hand and were talkin to some girls. I pressed the alarm button on the key and they all jumped.

"Damn, ma. You made me drop my blunt." The boy who was with his crew on the hood stood in front and pointed to the blunt on the floor.
"Oh, I'm sorry." I walked over and picked it up handing it to him.
"I ain't taking that shit. Fuck you!" He retorted.
"You too, hoe!" I closed my car door and pulled out of the parking lot.

I drove past the local church that I've known since I was a little girl. It's amazing how that church is still here and in mid quality. The town of West Hill was damaged and broken. The streets were filled with homeless people and gangs. The whole town was taken over by hundreds of gangs and cops around every corner. I had a chance to leave but, I didn't because this is the only place I know.

I pulled up to our driveway and saw my grandmothers car parked in the open garage. I grabbed my bag and went into the house. I found her standing at the kitchen counter looking through the mail, she was wearing a long slick skirt and blouse. She usually helps out at the Help Center of West Hill during this time.

"Sheela!" I joked. She jumped and dropped the mail she was looking through.
"You scared me. Call me by my first name again and see if you gon make it" She stated.
"Gramma chill! I was only playing. You left the garage door open" I said giving her a hug.
"I'm bout to leave, I came to get some things. Your food in the fridge. I gotta go and move your damn car" I followed her out the door and got in the car and moved it out the way. She honked at me and drove off.

The only person I had left in my life and the only one that was ever there. Somehow, I felt that everything wrong with my family was my fault. I imagined that when they only had Cole everything was perfect until the storm came and tore up everything. I was the storm. The disaster in their lives.

________________________

I took a shower and looked vacantly into the mirror. I wasn't the perfect storm either. I finished my makeup and put on my trench coat. I closed my door softly hoping that that my grandma was asleep and to my thought she was asleep on her bed. I  slowly made my out the house.

As I started my car engine my phone buzzed. It was an iMessage from a ghost of my past. 

From LM :
don't forget the plan.one mistake and we're caught.

I parked my car two blocks down the road and walked to the front porch of his house. I knocked on the door and waited. I heard footsteps coming slower to the door until It swung open.

"What you doin here?" he asked in an annoyed way.

"Just a way to say I'm sorry." I  bit my lip and slowly unbuttoned the trench coat revealing my black lingerie. His eyes widened and he licked his lips. I leaned in to kiss him. His cologne filled my nose and I missed smelling it and how it caught my clothes. I bit his soft lips as he gripped tightly on my ass and picked me up. I wrapped myself around him and he closed the door leading me upstairs into his room and onto the bed. The air got thicker as he sucked on my neck and I took off his shirt. He pinned me against the wall and started kissing me and my body. He threw me on the bed and slowly climbed on top of me and started licking my body. I heard his pants unzip and felt the bottom of my lingerie slowly coming off and I felt pressure against my body as I let out a soft moan. He started grunting and I started moaning louder as the room intensity increased and our bodies connected like magnets.

Not sure if I'll ever learn how to love. This world has got me fucked up.

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