Esme
I woke up the next morning, after sleeping the day way yesterday.
The sun was shinging through my room and reflected off of the window onto the mirrors in my messy room.
I had an over whelming feeling in my stomach, just by thinking of Harry.
I checked my phone, expecting a few missed calls by Harry.
But there was none.
The only missed calles I had were from, Gemma or Niall, but I still didn't want to have anything to do with him or his friends, and sister.
It was at that moment, that I started to miss my mother.
I dialed my mothers number and put it to my ear.
It rang once, but then told me the phone number was not in service.
I shook it off my shoulders like it was nothing.
Sighing, I slipped my sweatpants and black tank-top on.
Than I heard the doorbell,
Slowly I took my time to get to the door.
Once I got there I opened it, not really wanting somebody to be there or see me this way.
It was
......
Blake.
I gasped as he cupped his hand over my mouth, as he pushed me back, he slammed the door behind him locking it he lifted me and took me up to my room.
I was terrified, I couldn't move, and I certainly wouldn't be able to do anything even if I got away from him.
He even locked my bedroom door.
I didnt know what was coming for me until he pulled my legs toward him.
Sliding down my sweatpants he unzipped his jeans.
I screamed, as loud as I can until he put tape over my lips.
The tears wouldnt stop spilling out of my eyes, leaving me looking like a reck.
He slid my underwear down.
I tried my best to get away from him, but he was way to strong.
He than exposed himself to my eyes, he smirked than said
"no one takes advantage of me, whore"
He was about to put himself in me, but what he didnt know was
I was a virgin.
"You're so tight" he laughed as he forcefully shoved it into me.
I screamed loudly in pain, tears flooded my eyes until I couldnt see him, he was only a blur.
He shoved into me again,
This time, it hurt more.
I cried louder and louder by the minute.
He was thrusting, not slowly, but It hurt.
He kept smacking my thigh, pinching me and moaning,
My hands were tied up, leaving me helpless.
___________
He was gone.
Leaving me on my bed, half naked, feeling like I sinned.
Ive done something terribly wrong
"This is all my fault"
I whispered to myself, my voice cracked.
I limped to the shower room, undressing, I looked at myself, feeling,
Disgusting.
When I got into the warm shower, I washed myself, every touch I winced.
After I was done, I sat down, letting the water hit my body,
I cried hysterically.
Where was everyone?
Did I chase them away?
Why did everyone leave me?
These thought were drowning me, they were unstopable.
__
I laid in bed, holding my blanket to my disgusting body.
That night, I cried more than I ever have.
My body hurt, my eyes hurt and so did my head.
All I wanted was to not be alone.
But this happened because of me.
I sat up, wincing at the pain, I slowly attempted to reach for my phone which was on the floor.
Finally I had it in my hand, I stood and unlocked it, I called my moms number again, but once again it repeated what I said last time I tried.
I finally worked up the bravery to call
Harry.
It rang a few times before he picked up.
"Hello?"
Once I heard his voice, I was in tears, all I wanted was him.
"Uh, hello?" He repeated
I was hesitant to what I would say, but I knew he could here me sniffling and quietly sobbing.
"H-harry?"
My voice cracked.
"Yes?"
"I need you to come over.. please"
"Ill be right over" his voice spoke with sympathy, sympathy I probably didnt deserve.
15 minutes later~
I was still laying in bed, holding my tummy and my blanket sprawled around my legs.
I had been waiting for Harry for 16 minutes now, and a growing saddness was in me, telling me
Hes obviously not coming over.
Starring at my fan ceiling spin, cooled me off.
Not wanting to remember what happened only an hour or 2 ago, kept coming back to me, reminding me that nothing would be okay.
_
Later that night, I cried myself to sleep,
Feeling unsafe.
Some how I knew myself that I wasn't safe and that he'd eventualy come back, and it did scare me, it terrified me.
This whole thing, I wanted it to be a dream.
To wake up and just forget, because most of my dreams, I forgot about them five minutes later.
But unfortunately this was real, and I wasn't fimiliar with reality, I've always just lied to myself.
Ive always pretended to be someone, im not. I was just a lie..
I didnt want to face who I really was,
And maybe,
Thats why everyone leaves, because they all eventually see me the way I do.
more minutes had passed, finally I realized, hes not coming.
I was to scared to sleep that night.. so I simply just laid in bed..
Crying.
