Human // Josh dun

One. - The begging.

Winter 2015

Step - Vampire Weekend

Almost lover - A Fine Frenzy

Falling in love in a coffee shop - Landon Pigg

Holding onto you - Twenty One Pilots

Eet - Regina Spector

Ride - Twenty one Pilots

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I imagine myself somewhere dancing with a stranger in a dim lit room, soaking up the feeling of love radiating off of the both of us. As we spin around he would pull me into a tight embrace and in that moment I would know that he loves me and I would know I couldn't live without him.

As much as I'd like to, I will never know that feeling.

I glance up at the board in the front of the room and pull myself away from my imagination.

"Alice, what is the answer to number 4?" Ms. Kate asks with a smile like always. I have never seen that woman in a grumpy mood. She always seems to be so happy all the time. What I wouldn't give.

"-62/100" I answer positively.

"Eghhh, wrong." She grins at me and starts to explain deeper. 4 minutes go by and I start to tap my pencil on the table. I wonder what we're going to have for supper tonight?

"Do you understand now?" She questions, again, with a ear to ear smile.

With all my might I force my lips into a curved line and shake my head 'yes'.

"That's great! Ok class now we're going to move onto the study guide." She continues but I have no need to listen. I have better things to think about! For example, who invented the toaster? Or why haven't we figured out the bird language yet?

As soon as the Bell rings everyone shoots out of their chairs and out the doors, not paying attention to Ms. Kate. I sit a little longer in my seat because of all of the after school traffic. I wouldn't want to get pushed again. That hurt a lot.

Ms. Kate walks up to my desk.

"Sweetie, if there's anything you need don't bother to ask." I look up with my usual blank face.

"Thank you ma'am"

"Your welcome dear!" I stand up and she hugs me and sends me off with a letter home to my parents explaining my failing grade. Oops.

The walk home was the usual. Try not to get hit by cars and whatnot.

I open the door to my suburban dream home, and pray that my mothers not home. I just want to go to my room and listen to some music. I walk to the kitchen and find a note on the shiny kitchen counter.

Sweety I'm out, be sure to do your homework. I'll be back tomorrow morning.

Love,
Mom.

And that was all she wrote. She was always out on business trips or 'business' trips as I call them. You never know if its a serious business trip or she just wants to leave and take a break from being a mother. Oh well.

I run up two flights of stairs and open my bedroom door to paradise. I wanted the attic when we moved here, and since we didn't bring much luggage my mom didn't mind.

The white walls and white blankets remind me of how empty I feel inside sometimes. My feet brush against the cold hardwood floor as I run and catapult myself onto my bed. The first thing I do when I get home is take myself a short nap. I enjoy sleeping more than being awake, I actually feel alive.

He pulls my head closer to his and my heart skips a beat. We rest our foreheads on each others and sway back and forth to the soft, warm beat pouring out of the old record player.

"I think I lo-"

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEE-

"UGHHHHH, ALWAYS AT THE BEST PART YOU DUMB ALARM!" I pick the alarm clock off my table and open the window.

"DIE." I shout as I throw it out with all my might.

Just because I have problems understanding certain feelings doesn't mean I don't get angry. That's one feeling I know all to well.

My doctor diagnosed me with mild alexithymia when I started 'ignoring the world' as my mother called it. I just stopped caring. I don't understand how you could ever love someone so much that you would risk you life for theirs. I don't know how you could ever kiss someone and enjoy it. That sounds quite repulsing if you ask me. I don't understand why Ms. Kate is so freaking happy all the time. Why?

But at the same time, every dream I ever had is about all of those subjects. I want to know what it feels like to be extremely happy, or to want to risk your life for someone. I want to know what it's like to kiss somebodys lips and want to do it again, and again, and again. I really do.

I walk over to the record player and put on some Beastie boys. I crawl in bed forgetting my homework and go back to sleep.

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How was it?? I know its short but I promise it will get better once Josh is introduced. I just wanted to introduce Alice in the first chapter and show her personality. Remember this is unedited, until I can find someone willing to edit the chapters will have problems. If you see something wrong, show me. You won't hurt my feelings :) comments and votes are appreciated! If your reading this you are appreciated! Bye!!