Hope (Harry Styles)

5.

(This won't be as good as the first time I wrote this chapter but hopefully it still turns out ok :( damn you apple for randomly deleting things!! )

Harry's POV

Alive- One Direction

I can't get over how beautiful it is here and how perfect the weather has been. I'm so glad it hasn't rained because they would be absolutely terrible considering the only form of shelter we have are our tents.

I'm really glad I decided to come instead of wallowing in my room, feeling miserable. I really don't go out a whole lot anymore, preferring to stay in and just hang out. I don't drink as much either, only one or two beers, that's it. I don't do shot after shot anymore, getting pissed beyond reason. After the accident it doesn't seem fun to me anymore, getting so drunk you can't think straight.  The cuts and bruises of the accident have healed, but the images of the accident still haunt me every day.

The sound of tires screeching, the crunch of metal, the shattering of glass, all replaying in my mind, over and over again. That night was so crazy. I had a fight with my mum, Gemma was nagging me about stupid shit and I just started drinking, hoping to drown everything out. After I was completed pissed, unable to walk straight, I realized I needed to go home and apologize to my mum for yelling at her. Even after all the attempts to get me to stay, after all the protest, I still ended up getting behind that wheel and driving. My eyesight was blurry, my eyelids half closed due to being exhausted. I closed my eyes for what felt like a second, only to be jerked awake as I hit a guard rail. It took a guard rail and a tree to stop me. My car was totaled. How I made it out alive with only a few cuts and bruises was beyond me.

Everyone keeps telling me that I got lucky, that it was just me involved in the accident, that my incredibly stupid decision didn't involve anyone else.  And that's what gets me, the what ifs. What if I had hit someone else? What if I hurt them? Or worse, what if I killed them? What if my recklessness took an innocent life, one that didn't deserve to die? I couldn't live with myself and it was eating me alive knowing that what I did could have had a more terrible outcome. The accident made me rethink things, reevaluate my life. It made me look at what is most important and cling to my family and friends. I saw life more preciously now. I knew things could change in a blink of an eye. 

So I'm glad Liam and the guys convinced me to come here. I think it's good for me, it will help me get out of my head more and get me back to me myself. 

A splash tears me out of my horrible memories and I see Liam trying to pull the boat onto the beach a little. I jump in to water that went up to my thighs and help Liam pull the boat up. Once it's where we wanted, I tie it to a tree, making sure it's secure before helping bring our gear to our site.

Everyone started bustling about, grabbing drinks, food, blankets. Niall grabbed his guitar and Liam grabbed some of our chairs. I went back to my tent to grab a sweater and my flashlight.  I wanted to see if Abby wanted to take another walk with me tonight.

Another thing I didn't expect was meeting Abby.  Running into her the other night was incredible. I have never felt so drawn to someone, just by hearing her voice, the sweet, raspiness of it. I couldn't really see anything about her the other night, my flashlight only allowing me to see her toned, tanned legs, which led me to believe the rest of her body looked the same. Even as we sat there in the sand, the glow from my flashlight lighting up her legs as she had them stretched out before her, bent a little, her toes just at the waters edge.  Her skin looked so soft, I wanted to run my hands up her thighs, feeling her skin on my finger tips.

I felt a connection with her, a connection I have never felt with anyone else.  Yes, I've been in a few relationships, ones that ended a few months into them.  Each relationship was based on sexual attraction and after so long, that wasn't enough for me.  I wanted more.  I wanted conversation, I wanted to get to know someone and have someone interested in getting to know me.  With Abby I had that. The conversation felt so easy and natural, I wanted to know more about her; what she likes, what she doesn't like, what makes her laugh and what makes her sad.  I want to see if she blushes or gets embarrassed easily.