Hope (Harry Styles)

9.

Vagabond- MisterWives

I sink to the ground, crossing my arms and resting them on my bent knees. I stare out at the lake, watching the evening sun glisten off the water. The only sounds I could hear were the occasional boats that would go by, the cheers of the boys playing football or the lap of a waves against the beach. I heard a twig snap behind me and I wipe under my eyes real quick before turning around.

Violet.

"Hey," she says cautiously, "do you mind if I sit with you?" She points to the spot next to me and waits for me to give her permission. I nod. We sit in silence for a minute, both at a loss for words.

What do I tell her? That I'm pathetic and can't do what I love because it reminds me to much of Hope and the last thing we fought about? That thinking about playing almost gives me a panic attack? I thought I was doing good today, I was laughing and joking around and feeling good and then one second with that guitar had it all crashing down around me again.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Violet asks softly. She's looking out at the water, not pressuring me into answering.

"About how pathetic I am?"

"You are not pathetic Abby. I know Hopes....death has been hard for you, it's been hard for everyone, but something seems to be eating away at you. Like today, you were laughing and having a good time but I would notice your face drop every once in awhile and you would get this sad, guilty look. I haven't seen you laugh like that in a long time, it was nice. I wish you would talk to me, or someone. Maybe you could talk with Harry..." She trails off as I continue to stare out at the water, fresh tears falling down my cheeks. Seems I wasn't very good at hiding the guilt and sadness as I thought. I don't know if I should talk with her about the guilt I feel. What if she starts to blame me for Hopes death too? I couldn't take losing another friend.

"Abby, you can talk to me about anything..."

I rest my head on my folded arms, trying to hide away from her judging eyes, hoping it won't be so hard talking to her this way.

"That night, at the party, before Hope...left, we had a huge fight. It was so stupid. I was upset that she missed my open mic the night before, ditching me to hang out with her boyfriend Sam. It was selfish of me to freak out over that. We fought and she got so upset with me that she wanted to leave and Sam offered to drive her home. I knew he was drunk and I tried stopping her from leaving, apologizing for getting mad at her, I was begging her and she still left. If I hadn't brought up my open mic night we wouldn't have fought and she wouldn't have left and she would still be here right now." I rush out, chocking on a sob. If I didn't say it all at once I wouldn't have said it at all. It felt good to say it out loud though, finally getting what has been eating away at me for months out in the open.

"Oh Abby! That's not why Hope left. The fight you guys had, had nothing to do with why she left. She told me right before she left that her father had called her and said he sister was sick and she needed to get home to relieve the babysitter. She didn't leave because you guys has a silly fight. You guys bickered all the time and made up like that," she snaps her fingers.

"Really?" I raise my head and look at her in disbelief. She nodded and let out a long sign, not really sure how to process this information. I remember her sister being sick that night and her parents working late. Still doesn't change the fact that I didn't try hard enough to stop her from getting into that car with Sam. "I should have stopped her from leaving with Sam. I knew how drunk he was." I cover my face with my hands.

"Honey, we all tried to stop her. Even the DD that night offered to take her home. She could get angry sometimes when she was drunk, and determined to do something. Please don't blame yourself for what happened, it was beyond all of our control."