The Normal Life

ch. 22

After spending more time with Justin, I've realised how little control I've got over my heart and feelings. It's funny, really. You can control anger, sadness, cries, smiles but unfortunately you cannot control growing feelings. I've agreed to this whole dating thing to prove myself that I wouldn't get attached to him but soon enough, all of this was packed away and I came to the point where I really can't find a thing I don't like about him.

In the mornings, he wakes up early to head to the farm. As I'm not really a morning person, we don't always get the chance to see each other but my mom always tells me that he asks about me before going to work which I find too cute to be true. I make a note not to spend too much time with him and save some for my family which works all too well because Justin is great with my parents. And Lana adores him more than anything. So, my family's acceptance is not a trouble for us.

And although he says he's not good with this whole dating thing, he's doing better than most of my exes including Cody. He takes me out, doesn't care to exaggerate on the places and I feel at ease with him – I don't need to say big things to impress him and we treat each other like best friends which is such a good change. I think we must get to know our lover instead of always absorbing ourselves in their kisses and touches.

Talking about his kisses and touches, I can't get enough of either of them. Every time his lips meet mine, I feel light-headed. There's a strange churn in my stomach and I feel my heart jump slightly at every small touch. It's so weird to feel like this – as if I'm a teenager all over again. The feeling is so refreshing.

But it is so scary. I don't want to fall in love again. Even the thought of it scares the shit out of me. I don't want to go through this again. After my breakup with Cody, I made sure to remind myself that boys are huge waste a time. Love is a huge waste of time. Everyone says that getting hurt is a part of relationships but I find it incredibly stupid. Especially when people cheat. And people are like 'they deserve a second chance'. No they don't. They don't deserve a single, small chance. You don't hurt people you love. That's my motto. I will never hurt someone I love. But I can't say much about the other party which is crazy, if you think about it. Maybe I'm just paranoid because it happened once but doesn't it scare you that you know absolutely nothing of what your lover is thinking? It could all be a game in their eyes for all you know. Okay, yes, I'm really being extra but this is how I started thinking after Cody grabbed my heart and crushed it in front of me.

And now my whole perspective of falling in love has changed. Because of Justin, I feel like I should give it a second chance. But it won't work. Why is everything so complicated? I tried to avoid these thoughts when I was with him and he failed to notice my worry so I eventually shrugged it off.

However, today I won't let my mood be ruined as it is my birthday. The first birthday – after so many years – that I'm spending here, in my house. I wake up with a giddy smile and an excitingly good mood.

Lana is the first person to wish me a happy birthday. She literally jumps in my arms as soon as I open my eyes, her small lips spreading kisses all over my face until I'm literally crying of laughter. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" She shouts, her voice all squeaky and high.

"Thank you," I manage to gasp out in her tight embrace. She finally lets me go, telling me to hurry up and come in the living room as our parents are waiting. I say that I'll hurry up and after she goes out, I immediately check my phone.

 I see a few missed calls from Rex and a text. 'Been calling you but your lazy ass is probably not up yet! Happy birthday my sweet, annoying and gorgeous bff. I'll call you later but for now I left for the studio. Have fun and lots of birthday sex if possible. Love you a fuckin lot, as always babe.'