The Normal Life

ch. 28

When you're about to leave your own house to go somewhere you know is far away...you feel empty. Not only empty but literally aching on the inside, as if something is building up in your chest and is taking all the place of your organs only to be replaced by pain. I zip my last suitcase and dad brings it to the living room for me.

I pause at the entrance of my house, my eyes scanning over the place and then falling upon my mother's sad ones.

"I just want you to take care of yourself."

"I will, mom."

"And...be the woman you are. Stay like that. You're amazing, don't change for no man."

I chuckle. "I get that, mom."

I see the line of tears forming behind her eyelids and I feel them coming on my own too. I wasn't expecting my departure from here to be such a rollercoaster of emotions. And it's only the beginning of her speech, I can feel that coming.

"I love you, so much, honey and I'm so so so proud of who you are," she says, her lower lip trembling. Thankfully, she doesn't make a speech.

I smile. "Thank you. I love you, too."

Her eyes soften and she approaches me slowly. I feel her arms wrap around me and she holds onto me tightly for approximately a minute before pulling away.

Next, I turn to my dad who's staring at me sadly. "Come to visit us often, alright? Don't forget about us so quickly."

"I won't," I say, grinning as I step back to hug him.

Lana is the last person I hug and definitely the one too much. I've tried not to cry and succeeded until I felt her arms wrap tightly around me and that's when I started crying.

"I love you, take care of yourself, alright?" I say sadly, kissing her cheek repeatedly.

"I hope to see you soon," she says.

"You will," I promise, "But until then...I'll try to find a way to talk to you. I'm always here for you."

She smiles, nodding quickly.

I glance around the house for a long while before stepping next to my suitcases. As my taxi arrives and Dad puts the suitcases in the vehicle for me, I can't help but look at Justin's house one last time. He knows I'm leaving in a few minutes. I'm sure he'll come out. Please do.

My eyes stay glued at the door and I wish he'd barge out with his bags and tell me that he wants to move in with me and says that he also loves me but that never happens.

I sigh in disappointment, waving goodbye at my family as I make my way in the backseat of the taxi. I continue waving at them, teary eyed while we drive away and we pass next to Justin's house and I feel my heart drop when I see him at the window. Golden brown eyes that I've grown to love are now emotionless, dark and twisted. He watches me leave, not even opening his mouth to say goodbye. But I don't want to leave on this note so despite all the emotions in my body, I still smile weakly at him before looking away.

 I realise that this is really the end. Of us, of our relationship, of my holidays. I never got the chance to say goodbye to Aiden (I've avoided him as much as I could because frankly, the reasons are obvious enough) and the only goodbye I said to Lindsay was through texting.

But on top of that, on top of Justin not coming out to see me, there's another thing which makes me sadder...sadder than all of this combined together.

I never got the chance to say goodbye to Marilyn.

+

I struggle to get the suitcases out and quickly pay the taxi driver. If it was for me, I'd take the aeroplane but management has decided that it's better if I get in my private jet which I'm not complaining about but is still kind of useless to me.