The Normal Life

ch. 26

Justin's P.O.V

How do girls deal with breakups?

I mean I've heard they actually eat ice cream and cry over it and that sounds pretty stupid because that doesn't seem helpful at all so all I did this whole week, after the fiasco with Selena, was drinking.

Alright, that doesn't help as much as I expected it to but it's better than crying over it. At least alcohol can make you forget.

I've stayed away from clubs and enjoyed drinking at home itself. Clubbing is horrible around here. Due to the smallness of the town, there's only one club and it's always filled with people and some of them even shamelessly have sex in there so you get the idea of the disgustingness of it all. But, in my defence, I haven't hooked up with anyone since Selena. Anyone at all. Aiden even tried to get me into it but I couldn't look at any other woman without picturing Selena's bright smile or the way she scrunches her nose up in a cute way or the way her long, long brown hair flows down her ba—oh shit I'm in so deep.

I groan at the thought of her, immediately grabbing another bottle of beer and bringing the tip to my mouth. Gulping in the liquor, I feel better than I ever did. Over the past few days, I've been a total mess. If it wasn't for Selena, I'd be in the farm working my ass off right now but I can't do anything. It's crazy. Everything reminds me of her. It's dumb, really, she hates the whole farm thing but whenever I approach the stable and see the horses, I imagine her riding Lightning with that cute smile that I love. Or when I'm cleaning the land, I imagine her doing it the first day she came in the farm. And then I get mad at myself, at her, at everyone and I just mess everything up or start kicking objects randomly.

And the cherry on the top: we are neighbours! Not only the type of polite neighbours but close ones. Her parents adore me and invite me over literally everyday and every time I step in I try to distract myself from her but she's always there. She's freaking haunting me—I swear. Lana invites me over to help her with homework and guess who's getting out of the shower looking all attractive? Oh damn right you guessed who. Her parents me call me over for dinner and guess who sits the farthest away from me with a small frown on her face? Right, you know it.

It's frustrating as hell. I didn't ask for any of this and I know she's in the same bad state as I am so why does it have to be so difficult? Why, out of all women I could possibly like, did I choose to like a girl who's literally the opposite of me?

I lie down on my bed, tired of thinking about her over and over again. She's bound to leave in one week—one damn week!

"Maybe it's a good thing," Aiden told me the other day, "that she's leaving. I mean if being close to her without actually being physically with her hurts you then not having her around will help."

"But if not having her with me means that I won't know who she's with then no thanks."

"You expect her not to have another boyfriend? Oh please Justin, she'll move on as soon as she lands there and so should you," he said angrily. I've no idea why he seems so mad at Selena all at once—I thought they were getting along pretty well. It's probably because I'm his best friend and he's just looking out for me.

"You're right dude but I just...fuck, I can't get her out of my mind."

I close my eyes again, glancing at the clock. 1 p.m.

I sigh. I've never been so unproductive in my life. I hate staying in bed or wasting my day lazily when I could be working but Selena is driving me insane—even when she's not here, how crazy is that?

At some point, I even consider that I might be in love with her. Or maybe I'm falling. Who am I kidding? I'm literally crashing in love with her if this makes sense. I don't know much about love, I don't know how long it takes and I don't know the 'symptoms' of it but I know that I wouldn't be so hurt by just another crush. It has to be more...it has to be love.