the broken

Chapter 40

JULY, 2009

Dan

The next couple of weeks are perfect. When I wasn't at school, I was with Phil, and being with Phil is like dancing in the stars, high on moonlight. He took me to places I didn't even know existed, all with mischievous smiles and steady hands, guiding me on adventure after adventure. We ran through the city at night, climbed every hill, explored every forest. I have seen every sky, tasted every night, felt every rush of wind. Libraries and cafes and abandoned houses full of moonlight and magic. I did not even know there was this much beautiful things in the world, but every night, he amazes me with yet another destination, each more magical than the next.

I'm so happy.

I don't know how.

But I am.

I am so in love with this boy.

"Dannnn, guess what time it is."

I look up from where I had been sprawled out on the couch, chin propped up with my hands, lost in thought.

"Hmm?"

He smiles sweetly, crouching down so that we are at eye level.

"Time for an adventure," he says, grabbing my hands and pulling me up as he stands.

"Where are we going this time?"

He just smiles mischievously and shakes his head.

"I'd tell you, but I'd have to kill you."

I laugh and lean my head on my shoulder, feeling truly and completely happy. I am bubbly like champagne. I am light as air.

"Lead the way, then."

--

We sit in the car, Phil chattering on, soft music playing in the background, and I stare out the window, leaning my forehead against the cool glass. My eyes slide shut and I roll Phil's voice around in my head. It is the most beautiful sound in the world.

Minutes later, or maybe longer, the car rolls to a stop and Phil is shaking my shoulder gently. I blink open my eyes and yawn, climbing out of the car and stretching lightly, jumping slightly when I feel Phil bump up next to me. I look up and give him a smile, and he smiles back, a brilliant, sparkly smile that outshines literally every single star in the sky. At that, I finally look around, eyes widening when I realize where we are.

"Is this the forest we went to when I got out of the hospital?"

He nods and takes my hand in his, lacing his fingers through mine. He grins that crooked grin and leads me to the edge of the forest. We weave through the trees in silence, but I don't mind. I can hear him breathing in the quiet, little shivers of air whispering in and out of his lips. I can feel his heartbeat thrumming through his veins. The most beautiful thing.

After a while, we reach the edge of the quiet trees and emerge out into the familiar cove. It's even more beautiful than I remember it. The trees are full of stars and the night casts dancing shadows across the soft ground.

We lie on the ground, staring up at the skies, hands still linked together. Phil is humming but I am not here anymore. I am fragile bones and nervous hands and freshly healed wounds, I am all the way back to the first time we were here. I am still half dead, full of ghosts and doubt. I blink. I am looking at the same stars same air same trees, I don't remember how to live. I don't know if I want to remember.

Phil turns and looks at me, pretty eyes searching me. He kisses my nose and smiles and I am back here with him. I am Dan. I am fragile bones glued back together and shaky hands stilled in his and faded scars. I am alive, full of snowflakes and raindrops. I remembered how to live. I want to live.

Phil's fingers drum against mine. He's talking about the stars, but he doesn't realize that I don't care about the galaxies above us, that I only care about the one lying next to me.

"Hey Phil?"

He hums in reply.

"I love you a lot."

His smile could light a thousand suns.

"I love you too."

At this, I smile and bury my head in his chest because it's not fair that he can call me pretty things and make me happy like this. I love it. I love him.

"I'm so happy."

At this, his smile grows, impossibly so, even brighter, his eyes crinkled up and shining with every star in the sky,

"I'm so glad you're happy, bear."

His voice is only a whisper now, but it sounds so happy, so satisfied, that I want to cry. And then he does. He drops his head onto my chest and starts to cry, shaking. I can feel his chest rumbling, and I reach up, stroke his hair gently.

"What's wrong?"

He just shakes his head and kisses my forehead, tears still falling. He smiles a watery smile.

"I just love you, okay? You gotta remember that. Always?"

His eyes are rimmed red with tears and a sad sort of happy, soft and gentle but also desperate, like he needs to hear me say it.

"Of course, Phil."

"I'm serious, okay?"

I nod, and at this he smiles softly, looking relieved. He relaxes against me and we lie there in silence, listening to each other breathe.

We fall asleep on the pine needles.

--

a/n thingy: next update will be next week sometime so look forward to that,, mhmm. or maybe don't. i've got exams this week so i wanted to update before then