the broken

Chapter 1

DECEMBER, 2008

Dan

Today is a tired day.

The wind is cold and unrelenting and laced with snowflakes and I drag my feet along the pavement, shoes kicking at pebbles. I watch them scatter, eyes fixated on a long, thin crack in the cement, twisted dead weeds sprouting out. The wind blows my curls into my eyes, tears at my shirt, turns my skeleton cheeks to sad, wilted roses, and I play mindlessly with my sleeves, fingertips cherry pink, cold as ice. This street is empty, and grey, and my footsteps echo off the buildings, so loud, too loud.

The sound of me gives me a headache.

The afternoon is turning to evening, color bleeding out of the sky, but I can't bring myself to wander home, can't be bothered to find my way back.

I let myself keep walking, past faded buildings and cracked bricks and worn down storefronts, not thinking, not breathing, until I come upon a small park. It's a tiny place, barren trees and neatly trimmed grass, half dead.  Empty swings creak back and forth, full of ghosts trying to get in a final laugh, and the faded paint chips away, crumbling off into fragments on the ground. It's nestled in between towering buildings, but it's quiet, and empty, and I find myself sat on one of the swings, wrapping the rusty chains around my hands once and then again, so I don't fall off.

I push off the ground with my feet, again, and again, and again, until there is nothing but air beneath me, and my feet punch holes in the clouds. I close my eyes, pretend I'm not me. Pretend I'm flying.

My flight is interrupted by a timid voice.

"Excuse me sir?"

I open my eyes, slowly, tiredly, and let myself slow, until my feet scuff on the ground and the creaky swing sways slightly underneath me.

Before me stands a plain looking lady in an old sweater that looks as though it might fall apart with one more strong gust of wind, her greying hair piled on top of her head. Her face holds an expression of polite concern, pinched up slightly.

"I'm sorry, its just getting dark, and I'm sure you probably have somebody expecting you, somewhere? I just wanted to make sure."

My eyes travel up to the sky, and I realize that the grey has turned a dark blue, deep enough to drown in. I clear my throat and slip off of the swing, shrugging.

"Um, yeah, thanks."

She gives me an uncertain look, nods, and turns away, giving me a hesitant smile and a little wave before disappearing back into the street.

When I sigh, it sits on my bones like snow on trembling tree branches, too flimsy to bear the weight.

I don't want to go home, but somehow, despite the fact that I'd never seen this woman in my life, I feel as though I'd let her down if I didn't.

I can feel the dread lace the inside of my stomach, rising waves of fear returning from their low tide.

I can't stay here forever.

With heavy, heavy feet, I make my way back, hugging myself to stop me from shaking because I think maybe I just might fall apart if I shiver any harder.

I reach the decrepit wood door of my house far sooner than I'd like, and I stare at the handle, eyes dead, heart dead.

I'm too tired to push it open.

But I do.

--

here is the first chapter of this story; sorry that it's quite short, i have rewritten it and it's not quite as good as i would have hoped, i might go back later and change it some more

ADDITIONALLY: i am here to tell you that this story contains a lot of sensitive content. in the interest of not spoiling the story, i have chosen not to post trigger warnings at the beginning of chapters with sensitive content as, many if not most of the chapters do contain sensitive content. however, i also understand that sensitive content can be hard for some people to read, so if you are one of those people, i would like to issue a fair warning that the majority of this book will touch on some very intense stuff. if that stuff is not for you, that's understandable.