Healing : A Roman Reigns Fan Fiction

chapter 14

Reagan's pov

The plan had been to go straight home but after the argument with Nikki I needed to clear my head. Was I really fine? It was not normal for me to fly off the handle so quickly and it certainly was not in character for me to say such hurtful mean things to someone I cared about so much. I doubled back to the venue to find my husband and my best friend but Joe had already left.

"Nikki, I am so sorry" I said the minute I saw her and we fell into each others arms crying our eyes out. "I should have never spoken to you like that. Please don't hate me" "I could never hate you Doc. I am just so worried about you."

We went back to Nikki's house for some girl talk and honestly I wasn't ready to face Joe right now. The look in his eyes when he confronted me was one of complete disappointment. It killed me that I could disappoint him.

"you know you aren't completely wrong" Nikki said as we curled up on her couch in front of the TV. "I am a little jealous of you"

I couldn't help but laugh. "Jealous of me?" "Yeah. you weren't wrong when you said John was never going to have kids with me. He is never going to marry me either. He has made that perfectly clear. You have the man you want and you are going to be a family."

"Yeah well Nikki the circumstances are not exactly ideal. And the man you are referring to is not exactly thrilled with me right now."

Almost as if on clue the doorbell rang and there he was. "Doc I have been worried sick about you. "

"I'm sorry baby I just needed to see Nikki. I owed her an apology."

"what about me Doc. Don't you think you owed me at least a damn phone call." He was right and I was sorry. I seemed to be having to do a lot of apologizing lately.

Joe and I didn't talk much that night and I don't really think it was an accident that he fell asleep on the couch. When I woke up he barely looked at me. He just stood in front of the bathroom mirror putting his hair up in a man bun and I noticed him flinch a little as he tried to elevate his shoulder to do so. "Is it still sore from the match last night?" I asked him and reach out to place my hand on his shoulder. "Here let me"

He pulled away from me and again avoided making eye contact. "No. I'm fine. I can do it myself. Isn't that how we handle our problems these days.?"

The tone for the day was set and I was not looking forward to the car ride across town. It was going to be a long day with two Dr. appointments and a hostile husband who was barely speaking to me. I couldn't wait.

We arrived at the psychiatrists office, filled out all of the paperwork and sat in more uncomfortable silence until the nurse finally called us back for my consult.

"so Miss Miller" the Dr. started.

"Mrs. Anoai" Joe quickly interrupted.

"Yes of course I am sorry. I forgot that you had gotten married."

"Don't worry about it , she seems to have forgotten that too" Joe mumbled but both me and the Dr. heard him loud and clear.

"Mrs. Anoai, I have spoken to the obstetrician that I work closely with in these cases and upon review of your past medical history we have both determined that it would not be in your best interest to continue with this pregnancy at this time."

"what, No. I am not terminating my pregnancy. I do not really give a damn what you have determined because I have determined that this is my body and I am carrying my child."

He continued to ramble on and on about the risks, and then as if he didn't already have Joe freaked out enough he had to inform us that even if by some miracle we weathered the pregnancy storm, the postpardum period would be equally dangerous. A lot of women struggle with severed depression after giving birth and given my already fragile state the likelihood that I would was multiplied.

"But as soon as I deliver I can go back on the Lithium right?"

"well provided you do not try to breastfeed yes. You can go back on the lithium following delivery. But with the hormonal changes your body will have experienced from the pregnancy, the new medications, to be quite honest , how quickly the lithium will start working will just depend on how badly you are compromised at that time. I do have to inform you that there is a chance that it may not start working at all. You need to take all of this into consideration and make the best possible decision. You grew up in a home with a bipolar parent. "

He did not have to say any more. I had not ever even considered that. what had I done? My mother put me through hell. She put my father through hell trying to raise me and a crazy wife at the same time. I had just selfishly condemned Joe and an innocent child to a life in hell.

We left his office still in silence. It was time to go to the obstetricians office to have some blood levels drawn and ultimately make the final decision. If I decided to terminate it would happen almost immediately, so that I could get back on my medication. If I decided to continue carrying the baby we would have to begin alternate treatments and I would need to see a Dr. every few days for monitoring. Another thing I had not taken into consideration was my job. How in the hell was I going to travel all over the country with the WWE and still get the medical care that I needed. Being away from work meant being away from Joe and Nikki, the two people I was counting on having by my side at every turn.

"Its a lot to take in huh?" Joes timid voice brought me out of my panic induced trance. I don't even remember getting out of the car and walking into the office building but there we were. Joe was holding the door for me and we were entering the cold long hallway and shuffled into an even colder exam room. I was given a hospital gown and changed into it. My husbands eyes were glassed over and I had never seen him look as frail or as vulnerable and broken as he did right now. I did this to him. I did this to us. I was going to be doing this to our child.