Walk Alone Until Allah Sends You Someone To Walk With

What Haram Is Haram!

Love is to fall but never hit the bottom; that is True Love & that can only happen when you Fall for Almighty First!

Chapter 32: What Haram Is Haram!

As I was sitting in the masjid with my calligraphy pen, I saw him coming inside. When I looked into his eyes the swirling wind surrounded us, as we gazed each at other with a awkward smile and I quickly looked away smiling at myself feeling shy as my heart was beating a little faster now.

His name was zaroon. He was a man I always admired. His mother was an aalim who was my teacher in my Islamic university. I used to see him picking up and dropping his mother always like an obedient son.

I was attracted towards him as he had long beard wore his pant above ankle according to the sunnah. We happened to join same calligraphy class.

He sent me a request on Facebook after few days. I still remember that night he sent me request how excited I got and accepted it. He then sent me a message saying "Assalamualikum warahmathullahi wabarakathuhu Sister " and that's how we started to talk.

We used to have long conversations late night in Facebook and after our calligraphy class we used to go to cafe coffee day and talk about Islam. We loved to talk about Islam and watched Islamic videos together. His favorite speaker was Nouman Ali khan, so was mine.

He was energetic and so pious masha ALLAH. He would lower his gaze automatically when other women came, we also had the same plans in life. He asked me to wear niqab and told importance of hijab and I started to wear my niqab and from that day onwards, I started my niqab.

I fell in love with him because of his deen, great character, his love for ALLAH and Islam. When I was with him I always felt closer to Islam. And not too long after I prayed Istikhara (I wanted to marry him), he ask me to marry him, I was so happy and I accepted and I made sure he knew that all that I want from him is to bring strong Islamic value to the table, he agreed.

We got married less than a year ago, and things started to change little by little; although my husband is a good man, when he comes home we spend maximum an hour together and then he sleeps,or he watch BPL matches "Manchester United "(that I don't like) for hours.

When I tell him that we don't spend time together he tells me to come watch the match next to him.I feel like I married the wrong person because the very reason I married him was his deen and he is not acting upon it. He just had beard and pant above ankle but other sunnah meant nothing to him. It's not that he is mean with me, but just the way he presented himself before we got married has nothing to do with the man he really is....

I was depressed broken. And always asked Allah how could this be possible Ya RAB ! what should I do now! He seemed to be like a dream come true before and now it's as though he was a nightmare. He was short tempered, he was over possessive about me and did not trust me much reason he told me to wear niqab before I realized it now. But it was too late. I resent him and I feel like he betrayed me making me think he was going to bring strong Islamic values in the home. What shall I do now ? Is there any solution for this?

I sent an email regarding what I felt to a scholar and he he replied saying :

"Dear sister, he did not change or betray you but this is the way he is. He enlightened and enfatuated you and now you have lost all kind of infatuation, you are seeing the man he really is, you are in front of the door that is called "Real love", you can cross it or just stay on front of it, only Allah(swt) which is the best way for you. If you are not able to accept him and learn to love him the way he is, you are going to have a tough time. Well I don't think he betrayed you, he shown his best to attract you and now he feels confident, comfortable and relaxed, he can show what comes easiest to him. The first thing a straight muslim man wouldn't do is to have long conversations with you, having in mind he wants to marry you" he said.

I din't sleep that night after I read this email. When the moon arrived for its duty , I told Allah about him. I discovered now that we should be careful about people's image, when we are transparent we use to believe everyone is like us and this is not true. As a sister I would recommend you from now on to be careful trusting what you see, don't judge a person by his appearance. I realized that when our relationship started in a haram way by the wrath of Allah and blessing of shaitan, how could we be happy?

Just When I tell him that we don't spend time together he tells me to come watch the match next to him as if we would then spend quality time together. What is upseting me most is that we are not a 75 years old couple, we are young and newlywed there is so many things to do except laying down and watching tv for hours. I feel so bored and upset sometimes.

Before we got married I though we would attend islamic events, listen to lectures online, study islam together, wake up for tahajud together and he knew that that is what I was looking for in a man, after we got married, I can hardly make him sit down to listen a lecture, we don't talk a lot about Islam, he smokes, he misses Salah, does not lower his gaze anymore, does not teach me Islam, to make it short he brings no Islamic value to the table, and don't spend much time with me his wife, I cry a lot because I feel lonely, bored and upset. But now, I keep my faith in Allah because He knows what I long for. May be this wedding is not coolness of my eyes but a trail for me in this dunya, And I will have to deal with it with patience and love.

____________________________________

Please don't seek try to seek pleasure in what is haram. What is haram is haram ! Nothing is promised in life, if you truly love someone then marry her. I know it's easier than done but your not here to please each other, but your here to please Allah(SWT).

JazakAllahu Khair