Dancing Souls
"So, where do you want to go on our date?"
He asked me while he watched me stretch and fix my bed.
Well, today, Sean told me that he will take me to a "date" and I don't really have a clue what kind of "date" this is. Does he like me? Is he falling for me? Indirect way of telling me that he's starting to grow the same weird feelings I'm feeling towards him? But wait, maybe this is just some kind of our show off. Fuck. You're so stupid, Joelle. Of course this is just a part of that show off.
He told me to dress something casual and comfortable and so I wore muscle tee, leggings, combat boots, and then tying a flannel around my waist in case it gets cold. He took me to the pizza parlour, and then we happily ate while talking, and laughing about random stuff.
A smile crept up to my face. "I'll be the one to get you somewhere first, because I want you to know more about me." I smiled at him and then he opened the door for me.
I dragged him to the old ballet studio I used to spend time always. This was my home.
My eyes broke into tears because I can't fight my weakness. "This, Sean, is the place where I learned to love and hate dancing, and dance itself, at the same time. The place where to be the best and stand out is the only rule, even if you all get the same choreography. The place where giving up is never an option. This is the place where to be better than others doesn't matter, and where not dancing without passion and expression is a mortal sin. This was my world, Sean. But it feels like this is still my world." Sadness and pain continued to flow down my cheeks from my eyes, from my heart.
But Sean just watched me tell him all about the girl in front of her whom she's trying to help, who's trying to laugh despite brokenness.
"Our bodies weren't the only drained in here for almost half of our lives, but our mind and heart too. Though tired, we are happy because we get to do what we love the most, ballet." I whispered as I explored my eyes, reminiscing the old times. "I'm sorry for ruining this moment. This should be fun but it turned out something sorrowful." I chuckled but Sean just gave me a half-smile and then held my hands, supporting me as he told me that I can continue because he wanted to listen too. "We became star dancers, and the favourite of our coaches, or choreographers. And then people started setting us up as a dream pair. It was awkward but we got used to it because it was all about ballet. Both of us would always perform for each other, doing every dance together. Then we were called to compete, then he was involved in an accident, so I had to perform alone. My parents didn't like that I'd be the only star so they didn't allow me, while he still supported me to follow my dreams because he knew how bad I wanted to break free and discover the bigger world through ballet. My parents scolded him and then he ran away from him, and then that had to happen. He broke 'us' so that it would only be 'I'. And that's the first time I was heartbroken, getting hurt when he left me alone. By myself. And since that, I also hated performing, quitting dance. Because it served as my constant reminder that he left me alone, forever." I cried hard.
Sean comforted me and hushed me, soothing me down. "What happened?" He asked and I cleared my throat.
"Competition was in two days, and I was asking for him to get me my kite which was stuck on a tree. He climbed up for me because I was crying non-stop. And then he fell, spraining his ankle. Meaning, he can't get to dance and be on the competition. And I wasn't my parents' favourite but him, and then they didn't allow me to dance. But he fought and got against our parents because he knew how bad I want to get on that stage and represent USA. That's when our parents got mad because they never thought that their favourite son will answer back at their words. They hit me, and him. I guess he never expected that so even if his ankle was really painful, he ran away, and then he got hit by a car. And we never knew who should be blamed. So my parents blamed me, and they'd always fight. Leading to their separation and abandoning me." I finished and wiped off my tears.
