Wonderwall
"I've already spent hours contemplating the words to say to her, but no combination of twenty six different letters could ever accurately capture even a silver of this feeling is."
How long have I been ranting about this feeling? An hour? Two hours? I don't know. And my friends weren't helping either. I looked up to see my friends looking at me while they talk about my problem, only to realize that my hoodie's sleeves were wet. Wait, what the fuck? Why am I even crying?
Ugh, maybe because I can't figure out what I am going to do.
April walked and sat beside me, rubbing circles at my back. "Sometimes you meet someone, and it's so clear that the two of you, on some level belong together. As lovers, or as friends, or as a family, or as something entirely different. You just work, whether you understand one another or you're in love or you're partners in crime. You meet these people throughout your life, out of nowhere, under the strangest circumstances, and they help you feel alive." She paused. "I don't know, I don't know if that makes me believe in coincidence, or fate, or sheer blind luck, but it definitely makes me believe in something." April smiled and then I hugged her.
Ugh. Why am I even crying? "She was a storm. Not the kind you run from, but the kind you chase." I told them. "Her eyes were the stars, her lips the galaxy's edge. She was a lovely, broken universe all in herself." I added as her being invaded my mind once again. "And all of a sudden, I felt what I had only read in books. Love. And it was amazing, flawless, and breathtaking, being in love with her. For the first time in a long time, I felt alive. Like I had just been offered a new kind of air that makes you higher than ever, floating through life. And I was addicted. I couldn't get enough of her. I wanted to fall off a bridge, not fall in love. But then I met her, the second time around, who made me forget the difference." I paused, because it was hard to cry and talk about your strong feelings at the same time. "She sprouted love like flowers, grew a garden in my mind. And even on the darkest days, from her smile the sun still shined. Maybe it was her laugh, or her giggle, or her smile. It could've been her hair, or her voice, or her personality. But whatever it was, it made me fall pretty damn hard." I told my friends as tears didn't stop from falling.
Again, I asked myself why I'm even crying. "Don't stop, it's okay to cry, Sean." Gabe told me.
"I don't even know why I'm crying." I told them. "I hate the feeling of crying without knowing the reason why. My lips quiver, my heart pounds, my eyes sting. My face clenches up, and then the tears just started falling. I can't stop them, no matter how hard I try. And it's not the little tears that slide down your cheeks, it's big tears that make your eyes red and puffy, your face tear-stained and your body heave." I wiped away my tears as April continued rubbing circles at my back to soothe me down. "I can't stop the tears, and I think of what could I possibly do to stop crying but there's nothing I can do." I finished and gulped.
"Don't stop crying, it's the kind of tears and pain that need to be cried out, not talked out. You're hurting me, us, too. But you can't help it. Just let it all out." Gabe hugged me. "I know what you feel, believe me. And it's okay." He told me. "But why?" He asked.
Bailey spoke softly. "I know why." She said and looked at me. "Sean, that's because you're in love with her already, you're in love with Elle, and that's such a beautiful feeling." She added. "But remember what you told us? That she's afraid of heights, and that it includes falling? You love her already, but you cannot tell her. It's such a beautiful feeling that it hurts." She gave me a weak smile, only to make my tears fall again.
