Wayne's Daughter

Chapter 12

I sit in my room staring at my wall and have been since I woke up an hour ago around five am. For that entire hour I have been trying to work myself up enough to do what I have to do, something I should have done a few years ago. I need to face my past and relive the memories that haunt my mind, if that doesn't happen I can never start to move on. I thought I had repressed them and forgot about them, but I guess I didn't because just talking to my sister two days ago brought them back.

My mind wonders to when I first met Martian ManHunter and the words he said to me after a week of babysitting my brother and I.
"You cannot force yourself to forget painful memories Lilla. You must confront them in order to move on, or they will always been a chain holding you back."
I had asked him for how to suppress them, and that was his answer. I was so upset when he said that, but now I can see what he means. Or I will, hopefully this works.

All this time, almost three years, and I did not listen to him. Now I have to if I want to be able to just feel this heavy burden on my chest any time I think of my sister, or the fear I feel whenever I think of my biological father or mother. For the little moments of panic when Dad does something to remind me; the split seconds that send me back to the house that was not my home. This is something I need to do.

Taking a deep breath I let myself think back to my early child hood, slipping into my safe place and letting the memories painfully wash over me.

I am sitting on the floor in a dingy room, playing with a small block with a faded letter L on it. Why does mommy or daddy not like to play with me? Sissy says that mommies and daddies usually do but ours see different. Sissy plays with me, big sissy is my mommy to me but she does not like when I say that. She frowns and tells me not to call her that, because she does not wanna be a parent. Huh.

I hum a song she sings to me when she is nearby, sometimes she isn't here. Where does she go? Does mommy and daddy know?

"Lilla, get over here!" Daddy calls from somewhere. I stop playing with the block and quickly walk out to him, what did I do wrong?When I stop in front of him he grabs my arm tightly, shaking it roughly.

"What did I say about humming you stupid brat?!" He snaps and my eyes widen.

"I-I'm sorry Daddy! I forgot. I promise I won't again, promise." Tears are falling down from my eyes, and that is just making Daddy madder.

He smacks me across the face which just causes me to cry louder, and the cycle just keeps going. Each time I cry louder because of a hit, he will hit again and harder. Why is Daddy doing this?

"Daddy stop! Stop!" I scream as he hits me again, not even knowing where he hit me.

"And what did I say about begging! Did you forget all the lessons I've taught you?" His hand stops mid swing and I look up just as he starts dragging me towards the stairs. No! Not the chair!

"No! Daddy no! Not the table, please!" I sob as he pulls me down the short stairs and puts me in a table. I can't move;Daddy stop, not this please!

My body shakes and moved painfully as something shoots through me. My tiny mouth screams loudly as Daddy shouts words at me.
No begging.
No crying.
No screaming.
No mercy.

Then it stops and I see Daddy looking down at me. His face is nothing like Sissy's, when she sees me, or when she plays dolls with me, or when she hugs me or talks to me. This isn't that look.

"What are the rules Lilla?"

I sniffle quietly, trying to speak so Daddy doesn't turn the table on again. "N-no begging. No cr-crying. No scream..screaming. No mercy."