Just because I love you. - Phan

Taking the pain away

A/N: This chapter contains self harm

Also, I'll probably update at the weekend as I'm going to my school's show tomorrow night and I've got to do my geography project friday/saturday -.- but anyway, hope you're all okay <3

-3 weeks later-

Those hurtful words followed Phil everywhere, originally he’d thought that they’d die down after a week or so, but it had almost been a month and they were even worse than ever. It was then, that night that the raven haired boy started. It had gone too far and he needed release.

That day, Phil had run home as fast as he could from school and sat in his empty house, in a bathroom so no one could find him. Josh and his gang hadn’t chased him home yet, luckily, but the 14 year old wanted to avoid a beat up today. Sinking back against his bathroom door, he placed his head in his hands and started to cry. It had been the usual day, with name calling and teasing, but what actually hurt Phil the most was that even when Dan saw it, he never tried to defend or tell people to shut up, he just stood there with a blank expression on his face, looking but at the same time not.

In adverts and in P.S.H.E lessons they had been taught that if you are being bullied to tell a responsible adult. ‘I can’t tell anyone, being gay is wrong!’ Phil thought, that’s what he’d been taught over the past few weeks. Being gay is wrong, it’s disgusting, abnormal, and people who are gay should be punished.

After crying for at least an hour, Phil lifted his heads out of his hands and looked around the plain, boring, blue bathroom. The whole room was just filled with shampoos, hairspray, hair gel and razor blades. Razor blades. Razor blades. Within half a second the boy was standing up and playing with the pack of them. His father had brought them for him ages ago, but Phil didn’t have anything to shave off, so he had just kept them in case they became useful one day. That day could be now.

Without thinking, the next thing Phil knew, the blade was held between his fingers, ready to cut. Rolling up his sleeve, the boy ran the blade across the inside of his arm. He didn’t do it too deep, just enough to scratch the surface and maybe draw a small bit of blood, but it felt good. It felt like the pain was going away, he could get away from reality for a while. Although it stung, it was worth it.