A Reylo Romance: "Don't be Afraid, I Feel it Too"

Tonight (part one)

Kylo wipes a small cloth gently over BB-8's intricate doors and buttons, carefully removing the more difficult spots of mud that I missed. I brought her into the cave, wiped her down with a towel then went to get changed quickly before Kylo returned. He went off somewhere to clear his head I suppose.

I threw my muddy clothes in the tub for washing and changed into a new pair of black clothes. Kylo has three pairs of extra women's clothes for me. Kind of weird when I think about it. He obviously had plans to bring me here and was prepared.

I glance over at him again. He looks relaxed as he cleans BB-8, as though it's meditative for him. The candles flicker, warming the cave and giving it a muggy feel, and a familiar scent from home. It's getting late but I refuse to fall asleep while Kylo is still awake. I blink my eyes, sitting up straighter. My body is groggy with the food I ate too much of, some kind of animal Kylo had killed. I didn't ask. It was food and I was hungry.

I can't stop from watching him now. He hasn't even removed the cape or gloves yet, sitting in front of BB-8. focused only on getting her clean. I don't think he can see me in my shaded corner, sitting on the bed. 

He uses a small spray bottle to clean around BB-8's eye viewer, the same one he used to clean out his muddy light saber earlier. She doesn't make a single beep and I can't help but smile. I don't know how robots think exactly but I can't even imagine being BB-8 right now. I wouldn't be able to handle it, Kylo's large hands moving about so gently on my face and my neck... I close my eyes, remembering how it felt to have my hand in his, when he held it today out in the woods.

"Are you asleep?" Kylo's voice brings me out of my thoughts.

"No. I was just resting my eyes."

"You should sleep. It's late."

"What about you?" I look up at him. "Where did you sleep last night?"

"I didn't. I kept watch." He picks up his light saber from the self. "I'll keep watch tonight too."

BB-8 beeps in response. "I'll keep watch," she says.

I'm still not sure if Kylo knows her communication sounds but I've told her to be mindful of what she says, in case he does.

"BB-8 is offering to keep watch," I say to Kylo. "She doesn't need sleep and she can see and hear farther than we can."

"No." Kylo attaches his light saber to his belt. "I can sense when things are approaching, with the Force and-"

"Yes and you can also get weak if you don't sleep for two nights in a row," I say. Why the heck do I care if he's weak or tired? "Or you can stay up," I shrug.

"You can both sleep," BB-8 says. "I can keep watch. I don't need to sleep." She turns to me and then I suddenly remember our escape plan. Shoot! I need time to talk to her... because... Maybe I don't want to escape? At least not yet? I rub at my forehead. I need more time to think.

"You can lay down," Kylo says. "I'll get changed and rest in a chair. The robot can keep watch at the entrance."

"No." I slide off the bed. "This is your bed, you sleep in it." I'll never get past him if he stays awake in a chair all night. And I took the bed last night anyway. "I'm a desert rat, I can sleep anywhere," I say, grabbing a blanket and a pillow off the bed. 

I look around the room for a comfy nook to settle into. I could move the plates and bowls off a wide shelf in the kitchen area and sleep up there, I don't need much room. I'll rest until Kylo is asleep and then BB-8 and I will have a talk.

"Take the bed," Kylo says and walks behind the curtain into the bath tub area without waiting for a response.

I don't care what he says, I'm not taking the bed. I need to be closer to the entrance.

I hear Kylo dropping his muddy clothes into the water in the tub, with mine. Will he sleep with his shirt off again? I shake my head to dispel the image. Damn him and his nicely built physique. I've never given myself permission to be attracted to anyone in my whole life and this is NOT the time to start. Suddenly I think of Finn. He was a good man, is a good man, he's still out there somewhere. I felt a real connection to him. I really worried about him when we were out there fighting to save the Galaxy from being destroyed by Starkiller Base. It was almost cute how he kept wanting to save me from harm, and yet in the end I'm the one that kept saving him.

BB-8 beeps. "Are you okay?"

I nod at her then lean down close to talk. She's as clean as a brand new droid after Kylo's meticulous attention to detail. "Let's talk about this after he falls asleep," I whisper to her. Just then the curtain moves aside and Kylo steps out, looking taller than usual, and shirtless again. I groan and look away. Great, how am I supposed to keep avoiding looking at him? He's going to know something is up with me. And if he 'reads my mind' I won't be able to hide my interest in his... appearance. Why are my hormones betraying me like this?

I get up and move about, trying to keep busy so I don't have to look at him. I blow out a few candles so there is less light, for sleeping. And besides, if I am going to sneak out tonight then I need as much darkness as possible. But I keep a couple candles burning around the cave. I still need to keep my eye on Kylo and what he's up to at all times. 

I make my way to the roomy shelf with the plates and move everything off of it, then lay out my blanket. I don't hear Kylo approaching but suddenly he grabs my wrist.

"Hey, let go!" I growl at him, turning around.

"I offered you the bed-"

"You take it," I challenge.

"There is enough room for two humans," BB-8 beeps. We both turn to her.

"No, BB-8," I whisper, furrowing my brows at her and shaking my head. Doesn't she have human socialization software? Well, she does or else we'd have a really hard time communicating socially, but apparently it's not adept enough for her to understand why we're not going to be using the bed together, no matter how much room it has.

"He's right," Kylo says, his hand still clasping my wrist. My heart races.

"BB-8 is a she." I use my anger again, to deflect from my true emotions.

"She's right," Kylo says, looking down at me. It's hard to stand up to him when he's so much taller than me. I yank my wrist out of his hand.

"I don't care," I mumble, turning and walking to a dark corner of the room "I'm not going to be your fighting partner and I'm not joining the Dark side."

Kylo goes to the bed and sits down. He runs his hand through his hair. "Like I said, there is no Dark or Light side, there's only the Force."

"Well I was never on any side, light or dark," I say softly from my corner of the cave. "I was just living and existing-"

"And waiting," Kylo adds.

I wrap my arms around myself. He's seen my thoughts, he knows how long I've been waiting for my family to return. I stand quietly in my spot, waiting for him to say something, or for him to hurry up and fall asleep already. A candle wick flickers, making little popping sounds, then dies out as the last bit of its wax drips down the side of the cave wall. It's a little darker now, but I can still see Kylo's slumped shoulders.

"I wasn't on a side either," he says. "I trained, hard. I was Luke Skywalker's nephew." He stops a moment then continues. "But the farther up I went in my training, the more I saw the disorder in the Jedi system, and everywhere. They needed order-"

"The First Order," I say, with more menace than I intend to. All I really know about the First Order is that everyone says they're evil and trying to take over the Galaxy.

"People needed order and I wanted to give it to them," Kylo continues. "I began to understand what my Grandfather was trying to accomplish, to see the wisdom in having one ruling Galactic authority-" He stops again, looking in my direction. "Are you going to stand there all night?"

"No." I step forward into the light. The closest seat in the cave is also in a dark spot near the table. With a sigh I walk over to the bed and sit down with Kylo, as far on the other side as possible.