Safe

If You Only Knew

"Aubree. Wh-why do you do this to yourself?" Jake says, his eyes full of concern.

"I don't kn-" I'm cut off by Jakes words. "Don't lie to me Aubree. Why do you do this?" He kneels down in front of me and raises my sleeve looking at my arm.

"It's a long, sad, depressing story and honestly I can't lose another person in my life from telling the story so I can't tell you." I state firmly, my voice stern yet soft.

"But.." Jake starts off the sentence but just stares at my cuts, scrapes, and scars. "But what?" I whisper.

"You won't lose me, kitten." He says, his voice weak, still looking at my scars.

I feel the splash of water on my arm and realize he is crying. "Jake I'm okay. What's wrong?" I say, soothingly moving my free hand across his cheek wiping the tears away.

"My-my brother..Josh use to do this before..." He stops and stands up.

"Jake?" I say quietly, standing up with him. He starts walking out of the bathroom and I follow him.

He walks to a black door and twist the handle. The smell of Jake rushes through my sense of smell.

He sits on the bed an pats beside him, showing me to sit with him. "What happened to Josh?" I whisper, softly rubbing my hand on his knee.

"It happened a long time ago, about 9 years ago. I was eight and Josh was fourteen. He.." His voice cracks and I grab his hand, reassuring he is okay.

"He use to cut himself. My mom always caused hell for him. Around the public they were all smiles and happy but once they would get alone she would scream at Josh, calling him a faggot and douchebag.." Another tear rolls down his cheek and I bite my lip holding back the tears.

"Josh couldn't help he was different.." Jake says slowly, letting the words sink in to me.

"Different how?" I whisper, my voice cracking.

"Everyone bullied him. They were so mean to him, all these kids. I don't understand, I have never understood how kids can be so cruel. He would come home crying to my mom and you know what she did?" He pauses for a second.

"She laughed in his face and told him to grow a dick. He would cry even more and run to our bedroom. I would sit on my bed and just stare at him curled up in a ball on his bed. I didn't know what to do. I would walk over and ask if he was okay. He would never answer me, just wipe his tears and shine a fake smile."

The tears finally spill out of my eyes, my heart in pain from the story.

Jake rubs his thumb across my cheeks, wiping the salty tears from them. "It's okay." He whispers. I sober up slightly and show Jake my full attention.

"Anyways," Jake continues "he would go to the bathroom and stay in there for hours. I couldn't hear anything but every time he would come out he had new scars on his arms and legs. He always made up lame excuses like: 'I fell off my skateboard' or 'it was the cat from the park'. I never believed him. He tried to be so strong for me."
Jake stops for a minute letting it all sink in my brain.

"One day my mom and Josh went to the grocery store. They were gone for about 7 hours. Next thing we know my dad gets a phone call from the hospital, saying, my mom and brother got hit by an eighteen wheeler and were killed on impact." Jake says, more tears falling from his now grey eyes.

Salty tears burn down my cheeks as I clinch his hand tighter, showing him sympathy. "He was only 14. He did not deserve this. I wish it were me, he had so much potential to be something great in life. He was going to be an artist when he was older." Jake sighs and shakes his head, as if trying to get the memory out of his head.

I can't say anything so I just wrap my small arms around Jake's waist and I hold on to him tight. I cry so much his white shirt ends up soaked.

I finally pull away from his soaked shirt and sniffle. "Jake. I am so sorry." I put my hand on the right side of his face and rub my thumb back and forth, as I look into his eyes.

"I had no idea." I admit slowly.

"Yeah. No one does. Only Cory and Izzy know that story, I guess you know now too." He announces, sniffling.

"Hey it's 4:30, we better get you home kitten." Jake says, standing up, and changing the subject.

I wipe my arms back and forth on my eyes, drying the rest of my tears. We walk down the stairs and make our way out the door.

The walk home was silent and calm.

We reach my door step and he wraps his arms around me. "I will text you kitten. Stay safe." He kisses my forehead and I nod.

If that was a date, it was the best one I've ever had. It was emotional and heartfelt. I think I have feelings for Jake.