Getting Over Matt

14 - "How can you be so selfish?"

Chapter 14 - "How can you be so selfish?"

By the time it was morning, I was still sulking. I woke up with that strange feeling of dread, where you knew something was wrong but you couldn't think what. A few moments later, I remembered the conversation with Matt about long distance. 

I rolled over in bed and groaned into my pillow, wanting to block out all my conflicting emotions; I didn't want to have to think about it, or make a decision about it. In a twisted way, I almost wanted to go back twenty four hours and never have the conversation, so that I could remain blissfully ignorant.  

Since I knew I wouldn't be able to deal with Kat this morning, I met up with Jess instead, and spilt my heart out to her. She listened patiently, like the good friend she was.  

"And I just don't know what to do. Because breaking up now seems the sensible option...but then I wouldn't be able to deal with seeing him with other people. And it sort of feels like we should make the most of the last year we'll have together...but if breaking up is gonna be hard anyway...am I better doing it now and getting it out of the way, or putting it off?" 

She waited until she was certain I'd finished talking. Jess was patient, wise and sensitive—pretty much the exact opposite of Kat—and I would take her advice seriously, whatever she had to say.  

"Okay, Izzy, first of all, the whole breaking up thing," she began. "If he doesn't want to go long distance then is he really worth it? You deserve someone who doesn't want to give you up. It's completely his loss. You're beautiful and you're an amazing girl; Matt has been so lucky to have had you for so long. Hell knows he hasn't deserved you at times, the way he's acted." 

I nodded. "I do realise that, Jess. But it doesn't affect how I feel. This is my main problem." 

She nodded in sensitive understanding. "I can't lie to you. Breaking up is going to be hard. You've been together a year and you've been best friends for longer than that. It'll be weird not being together. It will be unfamiliar. But you will get over it." 

"It doesn't feel that way at the moment." 

"Well, it won't. Of course it won't. But all it takes is one guy to show you just how good things could be and how Matt could have treated you better than he is doing." 

"I think it just hurts, you know... He doesn't even want to try. He doesn't think our relationship is worth it." 

"It will hurt. But anyone who doesn't want to try to be with you doesn't deserve you. You'll find someone one day, probably at university, who will go out of their way and beyond just to be with you. They'll worship you; every girl deserves to be worshipped." 

"What do you suggest I do?" I asked her, looking up to meet her eye. "Break up now? Or later?" 

"Don't break up now. At least not this week. Let your mind process everything; it's kind of a shock. But if you break up now, you'll only end up regretting it. Let everything sink in and figure out what you want. Or what you need. Then make a decision. Okay?" 

I smiled. "Thanks." 

"And now Matt knows how you feel about it, he might rethink things." 

"I doubt it. He was pretty set on it." 

She shrugged. "You can only see how it goes."  

The shrill sound of bell rang through the room, echoing off the walls. I stood up to head to my first class. 

"Thanks, Jess. I'll see you at lunch." 

"Bell?" she called as I went to turn. I turned back and saw her giving me a sad, almost worried look. "Just...just don't let him mess you around, okay? You don't deserve that. He needs you more than you need him, yeah? Just remember that."