Getting Over Matt

15 - "I already hate you."

Chapter 15 - "I already hate you."

If I hadn't overheard the conversation between Nathan and Katrina, then I wouldn't have known something was going on. Everyone was acting normally. Jess wasn't behaving like she felt guilty for knowing a secret. Nathan wasn't being hostile towards Kat. Kat was being her usual chirpy, chatty self. Matt was still being, well, Matt.  

When he'd said 'the end of the week', I wasn't sure whether Nathan had meant Friday or Sunday. Since I was still yet to hear any form of a confession by Friday, I guessed he was giving her until Sunday.  

Matt text me most nights and we had lengthy conversations that went on for hours. He was being completely normal with me, no hint of guilt whatsoever. When he came over on Saturday night, I tried to encourage it out of him.  

"You trust me right, Matt?" I asked quietly.  

"Of course. I trust you more than anyone. Why?" 

"You know you can tell me anything," I said, twisting to look at him. He frowned, almost in confusion.

"Is everything okay?" 

"I don't know," I murmured, trying to keep a poker face. "Kat's acting weird...Nathan's acting weird...Everyone's acting weird. I feel like they know something I don't." 

Nobody actually was acting weird but if I was going to hear this secret from somebody, I wanted it to be Matt. I wanted to believe he was good enough to tell me.  

"I'm sure you're just being paranoid," he said. "Everyone seemed fine to me."  

"I'd just hate to think you're all keeping something from me. I just thought, you know, if you knew, then you respect me enough to let me know what's going on. You've always been honest with me. It's one of the things I like the most about you." 

"Iz, seriously, nothing is going on," he assured me, squeezing my hand. "I don't know what you're worried about." 

I sighed and rested my head against his shoulder. "But you'd tell me if there was?" 

"You know I would. I share everything with you. You're like my other half." 

I closed my eyes, my heart twisting in pain. Like his other half? That was like saying we belonged together. Firstly, he clearly didn't believe that since he was planning to break up with me before university. And secondly, I suspected that Matt had betrayed me in some form, which you certainly wouldn't do to your 'other half'.  

"Just stop thinking about it," he said quietly, kissing the top of my head. "I'm sure everything's fine." 

I snuggled closer and attempted to relax. Even though I knew it was unhealthy, I tried to block out all my worries and make the most of being close to Matt for one more night. After all, if something had happened, this would most probably be our last evening together. I wanted to cherish that and make the most of it, not knowing when I'd next feel this close to somebody.

-

When Monday rolled around, I'd still heard nothing. Despite my intense feelings of denial, I knew I couldn't carry on like this and I hoped Katrina was going to confess today. It wasn't like I wanted to know for sure, but it was better than sitting around, thinking up my own scenarios. Something had obviously happened, and now that I was aware of it, I wanted to know. I needed to know. Lunch would have been the obvious time but when I got to the table neither Katrina nor Nathan was there.  

"Where is everyone?" I asked Jess. Glancing across to Matt's table, I noticed that he wasn't there, either.  

"On their way, I think," she replied.