Getting Over Matt

26 - "Do you love him?"

Chapter 26 - "Do you love him?"

The weeks passed and Christmas approached. The gossip had stopped—people only stayed interested for so long before something new attracted their attention. Even Kat had given up asking for forgiveness. She was now well and truly a member of Kara's clan. Matt, on the other hand, had no trouble getting back into his original group of friends. Having said that, he was still eating lunch with Kara, Lucy and Kat. Then one morning, the week before we were due to break up for Christmas, I found out the reason for that when Jess pulled me to the side.  

"Hey, can I talk to you for a second?" 

I still had a few minutes before I needed to head off to my first lesson, so I let her drag me into an empty classroom.  

"I have to tell you something and I don't know how you're going to react," she began slowly. "But I wanted you to hear it from me first." 

I folded my arms anxiously. "What is it?" 

"Matt's going out with Lucy." 

I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. Jealousy wasn't the emotion. Why would I be jealous when I had Nathan? Thinking about Matt's betrayal still hurt, though, despite the fact I was thinking about it less and less with each passing day.  

"I wanted you to hear it from me first," Jess said quietly. "Rather than hear it from gossip. And if you're here...then you've got time to get your head around it and let it sink in." 

I sighed and perched on a nearby desk, staring at the floor. "I shouldn't be surprised. I knew it would happen at some point. I've moved on. Why shouldn't he?" 

"Yeah...but Lucy's a bitch." 

"At least I don't have to be insecure about her being a nicer person than me," I joked. 

Despite my efforts to keep things light-hearted, it still hurt, and I was unable to lift my eyes away from the tiled flooring.  

"Are you all right?" Jess rested her hand on my shoulder, squeezing it gently.  

"How did you find out?" 

"He, um, Matt...he rang me last night and told me. I think he sort of wanted to pre-warn you...but obviously he couldn't do it himself because you won't talk to him. Which is completely fair!" she quickly added.  

"I'm not jealous," I told her. "I really like Nathan. But it's still weird for me to think about Matt being with other girls...you know...doing the stuff that me and him did..." 

"Of course," she said. "That's natural. But it's probably because he was the first guy you ever did any of that stuff with. It's just life experience, Izzy. You'll come out stronger." 

I nodded. "Yeah. And thanks, by the way. You know, for pre-warning me." 

"How are things with you and Nathan?" she asked.  

I smiled, like I always did whenever she brought him up; it was a clever diversion, distracting me from my sad thoughts about Matt by reminding me of what a great boyfriend I had now.  

"They're really good. They just seem to get better every day. I know I sound all soppy and mushy and like some kid in love but..." 

"Do you love him?" 

I paused. "I think I'm getting there. It just feels like we're meant to be together. I know that's so cliché but it's the only way I can describe it, like being together is no effort at all. Why are you smirking at me like that?" 

"It's just so funny to think about it. You used to despise Nathan. And now you're in love with him." 

I smiled back. "Almost in love with him. You're right, though. It's weird, isn't it?"