chapter eleven

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It's been a long night. You're beyond exhausted, but you don't have the heart to wake one of the boys up and ask them to keep watch. They need their rest more than you need yours. You sigh and shift, pulling the curtains tighter around your shoulders. Was it really just last night that you were sleeping in a bed, with a mattress, food, and an actual blanket? And now here you are, wrapped up in the scratchy fabric of the white curtains, shivering in the cold air that the shirt can't prevent from blowing in from outside.

It's completely silent, and then you can hear a small squeak of a cry. You look up in the dark. You're sure that it's Hiro. With a sigh, you stand up and walk to his side. You sit back down next to him and say, "I'm sorry, Hiro."

His faint intake of breath hitches in his throat before he says, "She didn't deserve to die."

"No, she didn't," you agree. "No one does."

"You're wrong there," he says dryly. "Those guys deserved to die. I'm glad that they did. I hope they were in pain-"

"Hiro!" you exclaim, completely horrified. "I-I get that you're hurting, but gosh, you can't say things like that!"

"You don't agree with me?" he grumbles. "You don't agree that those men that killed my aunt don't deserve every ounce of pain they probably felt?"

You swallow. It makes sense, what he said, and it certainly made sense that he felt this way. But did you believe it? Did you believe that once a person does something - no matter how bad - because they think that it'll help them, that they're automatically bad? "I don't know. I don't like to think that they were like that before this... this apocalypse, and I don't like to think that the new reality of it all is that people die everyday. I mean, yeah, people died before. But now it seems weird that just last year, I was worrying about who got what disease and had to die slowly. That doesn't sound bad anymore. Cancer, a bullet in the head... it sounds great compared to being torn to pieces. Nowadays... I don't know, it seems like the easiest way out." An awkward silence befalls you and Hiro. You press yourself into the wall as you digest what you said. You mean it, and that kind of bothers you. "People change when the circumstances do."

"She let them in," he mutters.

"What?"

"Cass," he begins, "she let them in. The guys, ya know? They didn't even have to threaten her because she was kind enough to just let them in.

"She was selfless," you say. "She wanted to help people just like you and your brother do. Look, Hiro, I know what you're feeling. Cass didn't deserve to go, no, but we don't get to choose when we go. My baby sister didn't get to live even two years. I hate to think about it, but they were in Los Angeles when it happened. One of those creepers probably snatched her from my mom's arms." Your voice is shaking and your stomach is twisting into knots. "S-She didn't have a chance-"

You can hear him sit up. You clamp your lips shut as a sob threatens to escape them. Locking your lips, you squeeze your eyes shut and shake your head. "Hey," he whispers. He rests against the wall next to you. His arms are slowly wrapping around you. He lays his chin on the top of your head. You feel completely awkward and out of place, but the comfort seems to dull the pain of your thoughts. "I'm sorry."

"Why?" you whisper. "Why are you sorry?"

"You lost your entire family," he says. "You lost them and we promised a home for you. And now look at us."

"Don't be sorry," you plead. "There are some promises that you just can't keep."

"Guess so," he mutters. "I can promise you one thing, though."

"What?" you mumble.

"I'm going to fix this," he says seriously. "And I'm going to make this world okay again."

You don't say anything after that. Before too long, he's asleep again, but he doesn't lay down. He's asleep with his arms around you and his head against yours. You're trapped in his embrace, but you don't want to try to get out of it. He was hurting, you were hurting, and although this would one day hurt you beyond what you've felt before, you stayed. You stayed in his arms because, for some reason, it felt right.

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