Decisions for Withdrawal (Alice in Chains)

Epilogue

Nearly everything I did in the years with Jerry, I did for him, because I loved him. I still do, as does Layne, as does Mike, as does Sean. With him gone now, for several years, nearly all of the heaviest pain has released. The guilt is gone now; there's nothing to feel guilty about it. I'm not being knocked over every time I stand back up. I'm not enabling someone else further down a hole where they're begging and crying to come out. Jerry would beg me not to leave him; every day he would fear my departure and every day I would reassure him that I would stay. The next day, he would beg me to leave.

What he didn't foresee as much, was that he would be the one to leave me. He didn't foresee leaving me with a child, his child. It wasn't his decision. It wasn't a decision at all. People who don't understand drug addiction don't understand how it fucks with the mind. Jerry chose drugs initially. I'm not sure why or when and I'm not interested in finding out. It only took that one time.

My mother used to say "Well why doesn't he just stop? Why doesn't he stop buying them and get through the withdrawal? That will make him all better."

Well, he couldn't. It's not that simple. If it was, it wouldn't so awfully affect the lives of so many people and their loved ones. If it was, I would have been able to help him.

Drugs consumed what would have been the best years of Jerry's life. I don't blame Jerry for anything; I can't and never did. Jerry found his peace, and so did I. In the end, neither of us felt resentment. We both came to a resolution, and that's more than I could ever ask for.