The Definition Of Not Leaving (Kellic)

Chapter 22

I've frequently been going to Vic's other house to hang out in the little library. Every time I go, I feel like someone is going to walk in and see me there, thinking I'm trespassing, and call the police on me. It hasn't happened, but it's possible.

I've been very much alone. I've hardly seen my uncle or Vic, and I know they're busy, but it just feels like a slap in the face. I had company for a while and then it was taken away from me so quickly.

I like going to the little library in the Other House though. In between studying and the stressful weight of upcoming exams, it's a nice break. It's as if I'm cutting myself off from my responsibilities and human life. Nobody knows I come here, except for Lynn. I promised I wouldn't keep secrets from her anymore, even though this really isn't a secret at all.

I'm laying on the couch in the library of the Other House right now. I have a book in my hand and I'm drinking a Snapple I had picked up on the way. It's peach green tea. Everything is quiet and I'm conformable and warm.

Until my phone starts ringing obnoxiously.

I groan and roll over, trying to find it in my bag. I fish it out and quickly answer before it can have a chance to stop ringing.

"Hello?" I ask. I didn't look at the caller ID.

"Hi Kellin." It's Vic speaking. I have no idea why he's calling. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to hear from him, but he's been too busy to call me for the last couple of days, so why is he calling me now?

"Hi Vic." I reply. I still haven't talked to him about the whole kissing thing. I wonder if I'll ever get the chance to.

"Listen Kellin," Vic starts to say and I can't help but mumble, "Here we go again." I know this voice. It's Vic's I-have-something-going-on-and-you-have-to-be-there-and-you-kind-of-have-no-choice voice.

"What?" Vic asks. Of course he heard me mumbling, we're on the phone.

"Nothing, keep talking." I say quickly.

"Okaaay," Vic says, a little suspicious, but he quickly jumps back into whatever he was going to say before, "As I was saying earlier, there's a party tonight. A really fancy one that I was invited to. One of those kind of parties that make it on Entertainment Tonight, type thing."

"Right, okay. What has this got to do with me?" I know exactly what it has to do with me.

"Mom insisted I bring you along as my plus one. But not you. Like, Kali." Vic says the last part quickly. I can't help but feel slightly saddened by that statement. Will he ever be comfortable enough to want to just be with me?

"Okay." I say. There isn't much I can do about it. I suppose people are also expecting Vic's girlfriend to be there.

I don't like that phrase; Vic's girlfriend. It makes my bones grind in a type of jealousy I didn't think I was capable of feeling. I'm his boyfriend. And yet, I'm jealous of a made up girl who gets to "be" with Vic all the time, even though that girl is me.

I don't want mine and Vic's relationship public. But I hate this mask I have to wear, because I feel like he's seeing her more than he's seeing me. I never wanted that to happen. This whole thing was to only help Vic out, to make everything right. Things just seem to have gotten messier; on my side, that is. Vic seems to be rolling in fame.

"Babe." Vic's voice snaps me out of my internal rant. I forgot I was on the phone with him.

"Hm?" I ask.

"You went really quiet. I was talking and you didn't answer. Is everything alright?"

I consider telling him that no, everything is not alright, but I don't want to burst his bubble. I don't want to dump my feelings all over him like that. It seems rude of me to even think of telling him how I truly feel.

And, deep down, I know that feeling like I can't confide in my boyfriend is a bad thing, but I choose to ignore it.

"Oh yeah, everything's fine," I tell him, "Don't worry about me, I just got distracted."

"Okay, good, I don't want you to be not alright," Vic says with a relieved sigh. Then he adds, "So this party starts at 6:00. Think you can make it?"

I nod, even though he can't see me, "Yeah of course."

"Thanks Kells, you're the best, honestly." Vic tells me, and I know it's a compliment, but it still makes me sad.

"You're welcome."

"I'll see you then babe." Vic says and hangs up before I can answer. I sigh and stare at the window ceiling thing, the book I was reading still open. I guess this means I should head home and call Melissa.

***

I arrive home, quietly. I called Melissa on the way here (I tend to be a distracted driver), and she should be here soon.

I take off my shoes and go into the kitchen, where Rosa trots up to me, waiting. I make her some food and set it down onto the floor so she can eat it. It still amazes me how she hasn't been accidentally poisoned by me yet.

I rifle through the fridge, searching for something to eat. I don't think I'll be able to eat at that party, out of sheer nervousness. There's going to be paparazzi! I'm not ready for this. Though unfortunately, I have to force myself to be ready.

I find some soup and heat it up in the microwave. Once it's warm enough, I get a spoon and start eating, though I find myself barely being able to swallow. It's good soup, don't get me wrong, but I think it's just because I'm so over emotional today.

I sigh and sit at the table. "Do you think Vic will ever have time for me Rosa?" I ask my cat, who just looks up with me with wide eyes, and then walks away. "Yeah me too," I say, eating more soup.

I'm beginning to doubt this relationship. I can hardly talk to Vic about important things and I'm starting to notice that we both want different things in life. And that's okay, but we aren't communicating, and I'm finding myself having to fit myself into his life only, and not him into mine as well.

We haven't been dating for very long and it's already getting complicated. "What am I going to do?" I groan, talking to my bowl of soup. I swirl it's contents around in the bowl, and that's when the door bell rings.

I get up and sluggishly walk to the door. I'm happy to see Melissa, don't get me wrong, but seeing her means Kali will come out of her hiding place and I'll have to go into mine.

I open the door, smiling at Melissa, "Hiya."

"Hey Kell!" Melissa says with her ever cheery voice, "Ready to do this?"

With a sigh I hope she doesn't notice, I reply, "As ready as I'll ever be."