freefall |[ luke kuechly ]|

|[four days and counting]|

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June 12, 2013
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Walking into Ellen's hospital room was probably an ordinary site to most doctors. Flowers and balloons crowded the bed. The dainty woman lying still and unconscious in the middle of the bed. The family taking turns to see her. Nurses coming in and out of the room to check her vitals.

One thing remained a constant though. Luke.

He sat in a wooden creaky chair that he had moved as close to Ellen's bedside as he could get. His leg shook nervously. His head rested in his hands. He was just trying to make sense of everything. Watching him was exhausting. He stared at the floor, looking at the different gray specks that covered the white tile. He had been able to block everything out and just think about Ellen, and he didn't hear Karen coming up behind him.

"Luke, why don't you take a break? Go for a walk or get something to eat? Take a shower?" Karen said softly. Her small hands were on his back trying to give him slight comfort. Since the accident, he had isolated himself from the outside world and had said few words.

"I can't leave her," Luke said still looking down. He hardly looked up at ellen and when he did it instantly resulted in tears. He hadn't left her side though since the doctors finally allowed him to see her. When the doctor finally came out to tell them Ellen was out of surgery, Luke ran down the hallway in search of her. He needed to protect her and be there for her, since he felt he had failed to do so before.

"Luke, she will be fine. Nicole and I can stay here with her until you get back. Please, stop torturing yourself and take a break," Karen said in a soothing voice.

"She needs to see me when she wakes up. She needs to know how sorry I am. She needs to know that it should have been me and not her," Luke said sobbing into his hands.

"Luke, this wasn't your fault. This wasn't anybody's fault. You can't take blame for everything bad that happens in her life," Karen said holding back tears of her own. Luke had done that ever since he met Ellen. Her dad getting to her. The bad grade she got on an important paper in her Business class. And now the accident.

Only two people were allowed in the room at a time, by doctors orders. Waiting for Ellen to wake up was agony. It was silent. The only sound to be heard was the clicking of the Doctors shoes outside of the room. There was no talking, all of the words that needed to be said already were.

Just when Luke thought he ran out of tears, he thought of another memory with Ellen and couldn't help but think he may never have that again. It was a terrible thought, but when they weren't talking and he had hours to himself, his thoughts got to him and started to eat at any bit of hope he had left.

"Please just take some time for yourself," Karen begged. Luke finally looked up from the patterned tile to look at Karen. Bags rested under his bloodshot eyes. He bit his cheek and stood from his chair. His knees were shaky, due to inactivity. He clapped Karen on the shoulder and left the room without a word.

He exited the hospital room and just leaned his head against the wall. He looked up and took a deep breath. He blinked hard pushing the tears back into his eyes. He brought his head down and peered at the picture that hung on the wall across from him. It was of a beach. He stepped closer to the picture to get a clearer look at it. It said it was a picture of Aruba but Luke imagined it was the Bahamas. Right now his family was probably strolling the beach, or riding on a boat, or surfing, and he was here. He imagined Ellen being shy meeting them. He imagined his brother Henry making an inappropriate joke and Ellen instantly warming up to him. But none of that happened. This was his reality. A hospital. He always heard sad stories from hospitals but never pictured himself in one of them.

It had been four days since he heard her talk. Four days since he heard her laugh. Four days since she smiled. Four days in this hospital. Four days since she opened her eyes. Four days of agony. Four days of silence. The longest four days of Luke's life. This was worse than when they took their month long break. Ellen's life was at stake. No one knew what was going to happen and it was terrifying.

Luke rubbed between his eyes. He glanced down the hallway near Ellen's room where a bunch of beepers we're going off. Doctors and nurses were running around. His worst fear was coming true. Something bad was happening and he wasn't there to protect her. Oh my god.

"Ellen! Ellen! Fuck!" Luke yelled running back to the room as fast as he could. Room 731 seemed so much farther away than he thought. They wouldn't let him in. He pushed one of the nurses out of the way as if she were the running back and Luke was sopping her. "Let me in!" He yelled desperately. He finally pushed his way through to get a clear view. "Hey pretty girl," Luke spoke softly as if he were dreaming. Luke stared at her in wonder, he couldn't believe this was happening.

It had been four days since he heard her talk. Four days since he heard her laugh. Four days since she smiled. Four days in this hospital. Four days since she opened her eyes. Four days of agony. Four days of silence. Finally coming to an end.

"Hi."

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