Hoodwinked | Calum Hood AU

52.

Luke sneaks me into his bedroom. He's scared of waking up Liz so we're both really quiet. It's good on one hand, I can actually have a few moments to consider what the hell I'm going to say to him. On the other, though, it's painfully awkward.

I sit down on Luke's bed first. He's shuts the door behind him and leans against the wall.

"Are you okay?" He'd whispered this when he'd opened the front door too.

"I'm fine." A little crazy but fine.

Instead of talking, I'm looking around Luke's room. It's much tidier than any other time I've been in his. The bed underneath me is actually made. "You weren't asleep?"

Luke shifts uncomfortably against the door. "No."

"What were you - " I don't know why, but my head goes straight to an inappropriate thought. I hold my lips together, on the verge of laughing.

"Funny joke?" He doesn't sound amused.

"It's just... you weren't, like, you know," I glance down at this hands. "You weren't jacking off, were you?"

Luke groans, "Jesus, Ruby. No, I wasn't having a wank."

"Then why'd you look so embarrassed?"

He shifts again. "I was in the tree house."

"Oh." I remember what Liz said about getting it taken down at the end of the school year. I don't know why he's embarrassed. It's no secret to me that the boy loves his treehouse.

Talking to Luke right now feels like how it used to. Before all of our relationship chaos, before I fell in love with him. This feels easy and normal. The realisation slams loudly, like a heavy door hitting it's frame: I don't love him anymore.

I look back at Luke who is still leaning against his bedroom door. Now that he knows I'm okay, he doesn't seem that happy to see me. He looks really angry, actually.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm," he looks around his bedroom. He looks at the floor, at an unlaced pair of Vans, at the paint peeling off the window sill behind me. He looks everywhere but at me. "I'm just confused, Ruby. What are you doing here?"

He sounds angry, too. "I came to talk, I guess."

"So talk," he says. "Say whatever it is you came here to say. Don't sit on my bed and make easy conversation like nothing has happened between us."

"Okay," I say. My voice sounds as thin as the moon tonight. "I'm sorry, I guess. I came here to say sorry. For my part of our stupid plan. For getting so upset with you when I found out about you and Joss." Some of these words taste like a bitter antidote I'm trying to swallow, but Alfie's right. It will make me feel better once it's all out. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, you're sorry. That's really nice." His voice drips in sarcasm.

"Are you kidding me right now? I'm apologising to you, and you're practically rolling you eyes!"

He raises an eyebrow, turns his lips up at the corner. It's Fuck Boy 101. "Not nice, is it?" I stare at him, not knowing what to say. He's practically smiling now, in a way that's anything but friendly. "I tried to apologise to you, after dinner at your house and you didn't want to hear any of it."

"I was hurt!"

"And now I'm hurt!" He yells, and then looks startled, remembering that his Mum is asleep. "I told you that I love you, Ruby, and you said nothing."

I've been hoping he'd forgotten about that. I know I've tried to. Until now, I'd convinced myself it happened in a dream, not in real life. "You were too late," I confess.

"Did I ever have a chance? Honestly?"

I want to scream at him. Honestly, I do, but the hurt in his blue eyes is stronger than my irritation. "Of course you did, Luke." My voice is little more gentle now. "Of course you did. I really loved you. Not just as my best friend but as a boy that maybe I'd get a happy ending with."

"It's gone now, though, right? Now you're in love with Calum, just like you were always supposed to be."

I don't want to lie to him. Underneath it all, he's still one of my best friends. My voice cracks, "I think - I am in love with him."

"At least you chose one of the good ones." He kicks his foot back against the wall. I can't tell if he's humouring me or not.

"He is a good one, you know."

"I know," Luke says. "All the times I said he wasn't, I was just jealous. Even before I fell for you. I hated the idea of losing my best friend."

"You wouldn't have lost me."

Luke sighs. I sigh. The air feels cleaner, though. I decide it's worth asking the question that's been hanging out in a far, far corner of my headspace. "What about you and Joss?"

"It's - we're - it wasn't meant to be," he kicks his foot against the wall again. "Or maybe it was, maybe we just fucked it up for ourselves."

That's the only answer I need. "I saw you at the uni meeting with Mrs Mackey the other other."

"I'm applying for the local uni. Thinking about becoming a High School Music Teacher."

I'm smiling. "I could see you doing that." I really could. I let out a small laugh, "Mr Hemmings."

Luke laughs too. "Can you imagine?"

I nod, "I can."

"What about you? Are you really going to go to USU?"

"I hope so. I still have to get in but, fingers crossed."

"Alfie will miss you."

"I know. I'll miss him too."

"I'll keep an eye out for him."

I smile. "I know." Luke smiles back. "He gave Calum a bit of a hard time at first. I think Alfie hoped we'd get our act together and sort it out."

"He wasn't the only one," Luke's still smiling. It's kind of a sad smile now. I know he's thinking about what could have been. "Maybe it's just not our time yet."

"Maybe," I say, but only to be polite. The only future I see for me and Luke is maybe becoming friends again.

A hand runs through Luke's hair. He knows. "You really love him, hey."

"I really do."

"Go on," Luke says. I stare at him, not really sure what he means or if he's angry again. When he starts speaking again, his voice is softer. "This started with Calum, and it's going to end with Calum, I guess. Go get him, Ruby. Go make him feel like the luckiest boy in the world."

My insides are smiling. Luke didn't have to give me his approval, but as my friend - not the boy who I lost my virginity to, and not the boy that I loved for a small time - he knows how much his approval means. I nod.

"And you know, maybe from now on when we leave the house at the same time or run into each other at school, maybe we can say hello," Luke adds. "Instead of avoiding each other like the plague."

"I'd like that."

There's a brief, clumsy hug between us, and then Luke sneaks me out as quietly as I came in. The air is different between us, though. So's the air inside of me; I feel ridiculously happy, like flowers are blooming in my lungs.

Its after 11 o'clock now. As I leave Luke's I think about the fact that my Dad will kill me if he finds out  that I've snuck out of the house this late at night, and that the only thing that will make me being forever grounded worth it, is if I go over to Calum's right now and tell him that I am most-definitely, undoubtedly, unequivocally in love with him.