So You Used to Be Human - Book 3 (Original Version)

Chapter 38: The Goddamn Vampire King

Claude had picked the minivan mainly because it was one of the vehicles less likely to be stolen, but also because breaking into and then hot-wiring this particular model tended to be a hell of a lot easier. The touch button ignition that was supposed to be a premium feature because of the biometric lock also had that same feature as it's biggest weakness. Several bugs had popped up before it had been shipped, but the manufacturer had simply ignored it since the bug popped up on in one out of ten thousand cases, at least according to their data. The truth was that the bug had made it into 100% of the vehicles and people like Claude who had access to certain information found on the black market, quietly took advantage of that feature. And I do mean quietly, since boasting about vulnerabilities in a system is really the quickest way to get said vulnerabilities shut down.

For the love of Pete, please note that I'm trying to be discreet here and I'm carefully not mentioning any other information about the vehicle, other than it is a minivan and uses fingerprint sensors. You can figure out the rest from there if you're so inclined.

Claude didn't even need to touch the car. He just called up the App on his phone and within twenty seconds the car was unlocked and roaring to life, the perfect getaway vehicle.

What wasn't so perfect was Hester and the one person entourage in the form of the barely dressed Chastity who Hester had drafted into service. This definitely did not fit into Claude's plans, which had involved escaping from Hester, which as you might have noticed, did not in any way involve brining him along.

It was easily the worst escape ever.

Hester wanted nothing to do with the metal monstrosity.

"I have chosen to ignore the existence of such beasts, but this does not mean I intend to drive in one.," he had said rather haughtily.

"Get in the damn car you fossil!" Claude had yelled. He had decided that he had no fucks left to give for this crusty old vampire who flipped from loving him to wanting to kill him from one minute to the next. Might as well live dangerously since absolutely nothing was going according to plan.

Chastity stepped in between them. "You do not speak to the master that way," she said.

"Get him in the fucking van or Beatrice will be here soon to tear our heads off," Claude snapped and gunned the engine, ready to go.

Had that been a look of panic from Hester at the mention of Beatrice? Claude definitely thought so.

"I have decided," Hester declared as Chastity turned to him imploringly. "Your world is nothing but a dream, and you are a demon sent to torment me."

"Great! Awesome! Spectacular! Can you at least do your dreaming inside the car?"

"He's right Master," Chastity said. "The vile one will be coming after us soon."

Hester allowed himself to be led into the back of the minivan, and Chasity guided him into a seat, but awkwardly since Hester resisted all the way. Once he felt the leather seating however, a look of ecstasy came over his face and Claude was reminded once again just how disconnected Hester was from all things modern. Then again, Hester could have been aware of the modern age anytime in the past ten years and he might have just simply forgotten.

"All in? Comfy? Let's go!" Claude pulled the van out of its parking spot and pulled into the light late night traffic, aware of sirens drawing closer from different directions. Two light up ahead he could see the strobing red and blue of the nearest squad car, no doubt responding to the explosions at the diner.

He glanced out the window and was glad to see Chris Hannigan and Paul quickly making their way away from the diner, Chris talking excitedly. Apparently he was still having the best night of his life.