prompt from phanfic
tw: mentions of suicide and self harm
words: 1062
PHIL'S POV
"Dan?"
I couldn't find him anywhere, he wasn't in our bedroom, he wasn't in the spare room, nor was he in the bathroom or the kitchen.
So where the hell was he?
The only place left to check was the dreaded existential crisis rug in the hallway, so I made my way there, fully expecting to see Dan laying face down on the floor.
So when that's what I did see, I couldn't help but smile affectionately at him. He's too clever and inquisitive for his own good.
"Dan."
I whispered, tying to get his attention.
I frowned, he usually answers me, midlife crisis or not.
I kneeled down to his level, attempting to look him in the eyes, to realise they were closed. I resisted the urge to awe, and instead I pushed his hair back and placed a kiss on his forehead.
Why is he so cold?
The carpet would give him a rash if he laid there any longer, but in no way am I equipped to lift a 6"3 grown man.
I shook his shoulder slightly.
"Dan, baby. You've got to get up."
I noticed he was in my hoodie, his famous eclipse tee peeking out from underneath. A smile stretched across my face, but then I felt myself pale, because
Is he breathing?
I shook him harder slightly.
"Dan? Wake up love, you're scaring me."
I rolled him over onto his back, and oh fuck.
There was a bullet shaped wound on the side of his head, bleeding badly, and only now did I notice that he was loosely gripping a gun.
I gasped loudly and took the gun before throwing it across the hallway.
"What the fuck?"
I rolled up his sleeve to check his pulse, but I was met by another shock when I saw that his whole arm was covered in cuts.
I rolled up the other sleeve to see more.
I looked at his face angrily, as if he was going to explain all of this, but his pale unmoving lips remained unmoving.
I could feel my lips trembling and I broke down, sobbing hard into his chest.
"Oh my - oh my god! Why?"
How did I not notice?
How long was he planning to do this for?
I thought he was better?
I thought I had fixed him in 2009?
I just proceeded to cry, loudly. Crying for Dan.
My cries were interrupted by a familiar voice.
"What the fu-Phil?"
I whipped my head around in record speed, because
That's Dan's voice
I expected it to be a figment of my imagination, but when I turned around I was met with my beautiful boyfriend, towering over me with a concerned expression written across his features.
My dead beautiful boyfriend.
I was snapped back into reality when he spoke again.
"Phil, love, are you okay? Why are you crying? Who is that?"
No, this can't be Dan. Dan's dead. Dan killed himself.
"No! You can't be Dan! He killed himself! Look! Y-your arms!"
The imposter Dan confusedly turned around his bare arms to show me, I inspected the pale skin there. No cuts, only faint scars from a time that I had saved him from.
"You can't be Dan! He's d-dead!"
I pointed towards the dead Dan and began crying again as I looked at him. I was so confused.
"No, Phil. Well, you know Tom? Yeah, hetriedtoclonemesohecouldkillmebutitwentwrongandnowthereareloadsofdeadbodieseverywhere."
It took me a while to decipher what he had said, but once I did I took a step closer to 'Dan'.
I cautiously manoeuvred closer to him, getting a closer look at his face. It was still just as beautiful as ever.
"Phil I swear it's me. I'm so sorry I didn't know this would happen if I did I would ha-"
I cut him off with a small whimper.
"Bear?"
I heard him breathe out a sigh of relief and that's all it took for me to throw myself onto him and let the relieved tears run down my face.
"Oh my god! I thought you were gone! Dead! I thought you'd gone! A-nd his a-arms!"
I began crying and hiccuping again, Dan rubbing my back as it shook with my sobs. I inhaled his scent, confirming that it was in fact, my Dan.
"Shh, Phil it's okay. I'm here, I'm here."
I hiccuped again.
"I- I thought you were gone. I thought you'd left me."
I'm pretty sure he was crying now too, but that was okay.
"No, baby. I would never try to do that again, I promised, remember? And, look."
He held out his arm in front of me.
"They're only scars, Phil. And that's because of you. You're the reason I'm not sad anymore, you helped me out of that."
I just nodded into his chest and cried a little more. I was so glad to have my Dan back, even if he was never really gone. Suddenly, Dan pulled apart from me. I was about to protest, when I heard shuffling coming from that Dan.
We both turned to see a red faced Tom trying to drag away the dead Dan, he looked up at us and we scowled right back at him. He stood up.
"Look, guys. I'm really sorry, I didn't mean for this to happen.
I heard Dan sigh.
"Yeah, I know. Just, talk to me next time, okay?"
Tom just nodded and proceeded to carry away the dead body.
I once again buried my head into Dan's chest, breathing him in, just making sure he was still here.
"Dan?"
"Yes?"
I chuckled a little bit.
"Why do you smell like ham?"
I heard him growl and I fully braced myself, prepared for what was going to happen.
"Right, that's it. TOOOOOO-"
