Paige's POV
THREE WEEKS LATER
20lbs.
20lbs.
20lbs.
I've lost 20lbs in three weeks, thats no eating and getting your stomach pumped. It's taken a lot of energy out of me... but I've lost twenty pounds, so its worth it. I am now 149lbs. Ew.
I sign myself out of the hospital and I walk home. I didn't bother calling Ash to pick me up. Plus, I need time to think.
Should I confront Ricky? Should I wait until after the tour? Should I move out? Should I stay? Does Ricky love me? Is he really cheating? Or has my imagination gotten the best of me? Is he just really close friends with those girls? I mean, Chris and I speak like that about each other all the time.
More and more questions flow in and out of my head and I decide to stop thinking about it for a moment.
I round the corner and walk about 20 steps to home. I open the door and rush to my babies. I hug them tightly and kiss them all over.
"I missed you, I missed you, I missed you." I repeat while holding them and kissing them.
My beautiful babies.
"Why didn't you call me to pick you up?" Ash asks.
"I wanted to walk. I needed a little time to think too." I say giving Alexander a bottle of expressed milk, when the triplets have been feeding on for the last few weeks. I'm planning on feeding them expressed breast milk until they are nine months old, and then transferring them to the blended foods.
Later
I'm laying in bed, it's nighttime, when my monsters come to play.
Fat. Overweight. Obese. Ugly. Hideous. Unpleasant. Worthless. Useless. Better off dead. Kill yourself. Faggot. Unloved. Loser. Psycho.
My cheeks felt wet. I grabbed a tissue and padded them dry, as well as my eyes. I decided to try a diet I had found. You'd lose approximately 10lbs in three days. This, i needed to prove.
Three weeks later.
Ash's POV
She's lost more weight. A lot more weight. So much weight. I think I should speak to her about it. I don't know though. I texted Chris, with high hopes that he'd know what I should do.
Ash: hey Chris, Paige is losing even more weight, I'm seriously worried for her. She cries less, thank God, but she's lost more weight in the last three weeks than she has throughout the whole course of the 'losing weight' phase in her life. I have no idea what I should do. She still thinks that Ricky hates her. She's broken. Please Chris, I need help. I don't know what to do.
Chris: talk to her. Just express that you understand that she's just trying to be healthier for the kids but that her extreme dieting and exercise is negatively effecting her mental health.
Ash: okay. Thanks so much, Chris. I really hope that she's okay, I mean, I know she's not, but I hope that she gets better , and soon too. It hurts seeing my best friend hurting and hating herself. It really sucks. Tell Ghost and the guys we say hi, and that Ricky really needs to talk to her before she goes insane. She needs to know that he loves her. She's heartbroken.
Chris: Ricky said and I quote: (about the cheating) "I'm so sorry. Im not ready. I wanted to forget about being a dad. Im not ready to be one. I'd be a terrible dad anyway. And what about the band? I love Paige, but i was scared. Being a dad is a complete life-change. I was just scared. Really, really scared."
Ash: wow. I just showed Paige. She should be Skype-ing Ricky about now.
Paige's POV.
I read the thing that Ricky said. I never knew that being a dad effected and scared him so badly. I feel guilty. I was so caught up in my sadness and depression that I didn't realise that Ricky was hurting to.
I logged onto my Skype and hastily called Ricky. He answered on the second ring.
"Look, Paige, Im so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, or ignore you. I love you, I really do. Please, i love you. Forgive me. Please." He says.
"I forgive you. But please Ricky, I need you here. I hate to say this, but I know how long you've wanted to tour with Slipknot, but, I'm so sorry, but I need you here. I really do. I really, really love you. Im sorry. But I need you- the kids need you- to be home." I cry.
"Okay."
"Okay? What?" I ask.
"Im coming home." He says.
A chorus of "whats" and "whys" come from the background and suddenly the whole band is in the shot.
"No Paige, you have Ash, please, this is our dream." Chris says.
"I know." I cry, "But try being a new parent, its fucking scary. Its not something to go through alone, and here's to those to have, but I'm not one of those. Being a mom, without my family, or any family supporting me, is exhausting. The kids need their dad. This isn't for me, its for Alexander, Harleen and Ocean. Not. For. Me. For them." Tears uncontrollably flow from my tired eyes. Ocean starts crying. Ash hands me her and a warm bottle of expressed milk and I feed her.
"Can you tilt her so I can see her please?" Ricky asks and I do so.
"My baby." He whispers, his hand touching the screen of his laptop. A tear falls.
"Im so very sorry Paige. I love you." He says, his voice cracking.
"I love you too, Rick," my voice doing the same.
"I'll be home as soon as I can. Boys, you'll have to find a temporary guitarist. I need and want to be a dad." He says proudly. I smile.
~~~~~
Ricky's finally home. One of the guitarists from Slipknot offered to replace Ricky for the remaining weeks if the tour.
When the triplets saw Ricky, they smiled. They smiled. Their first smiles. Ricky and I are so proud of them.
We've also made up. He's deleted the pictures of him and those girls and now we're going great. I just cant wait until the rest of Motionless In White return home so we can be like one HUGE, happy family again.
YOU ARE READING
I Am Human (Ricky Horror)
RandomSEQUEL TO 'DONT LET GO'!! Read that before this book. She couldn't take his immature behaviour and his cheating so she left, stayed with her brother, and soon moved to Scranton, Pennsylvania. She begun working for Ryan-Ashley Malarkey, a tattooist...
