Forever and Always ✔️

Chapter forty six - Penelope.

Dear my sweet Penelope,

I don't know where to start with this letter because we haven't written to each other in a while. I miss that. I wanted to write to you because I needed to make sure you were alright. After the party, I was so worried. I never wanted you to drink because you were hurting after everything that happened between us. I only told your father because I knew he would knock some sense into you and I didn't want you going back to the damaged person you were before you met me but, just know that I didn't fall in love with you for the sake of it. I didn't speak to your dad because I wanted revenge, I spoke to him for your protection because I knew he would do the right thing even though I wanted to take you back to my place and sleep until the sun came up. I fell in love with you because even though you were hurting and even though were damaged, you still stayed strong. You are the strongest person I know, Penelope and just to have you in my arms, safe and sound and happy would be the best thing in the world. Your eyes shine brighter than this city ever could and all I want is for you to be happy even if it's not with me. Penelope, you're my favourite pair of eyes to look into, my favourite name to appear on my phone and my favourite way to spend the afternoon and I don't want to lose that. I don't want to lose you. This letter isn't a goodbye because where's the good in that? This letter is to say that I will always be here, standing outside your door at 3am, annoying the heck out of you in English and loving you with every piece of me but if you don't want that, if you don't want me then I will have to let you go but no matter what I do, my mind is always full of you. There is nobody else for me and I don't want anybody else but I'm growing up and I'm giving you space. As always, my sweet girl, I will always want you and only you because I'm afraid of losing whatever we have right now. Stay safe, beautiful. You will always mean the world to me, Forever and Always. Zack.

*

*The aftermath of the party*

3am.

"After everything," my dad yelled, "you get drunk!"

I wanted to crawl into my bed and die because having my father yell at me for relapsing was probably the worse thing right now. "Daddy, I'm sorry," I cried, "it was just a onetime thing. It'll never happen again."

"It's never going to be just a onetime thing." He said in a disappointed tone, making me wince because I hated that.

"It will be, I promise." By now the tears were streaming and I felt like I wanted to be sick, I wanted this alcohol out of me. I never should have let myself go to a dumb party with Grayson; it had ruined me once again.

"How can I trust you now? After the eight months we have worked hard to get you back on track, you blow it up because you're hurting. Well, you need to sort your crap out with Zack because he's a good guy, Penelope and he made you happy until something happened and now you're back to the girl I knew eight months ago and she was a beautiful disaster!" My dad screamed his lungs out, I flinched at his words as I was pacing around the living room, wanting to fight back but, I didn't have it in me.

Hearing my dad speak of Zack that way made me realize that maybe I was a little too harsh on Zack. He made a mistake, everyone did. I should know about those because I had made plenty. The one thing I learnt at rehab was in order to move on, you needed to forgive. I had missed Zack deeply with all of my heart and it broke me even more seeing him tonight and I wished Zack was in that bed instead of Flynn.

God, I regretted that so much now that I was nearly sober. "Dad, please. I'm sorry, people make mistakes! Just give me a chance to make it all okay."

He didn't respond, he only walked over to the home phone and picked it up. My eyes never left it as he dialled a few numbers. "Dad, what are you-"

"Hello, this is Mr Collins calling," he said, his back turned away from me, "I was just calling to say that I will be checking my seventeen year old daughter in for an alcohol rehabilitation program."

I gasped, no. I would never go back there. "Dad!" I raced up to him, remembering how awful it was to go stay there for two months. Just sitting and staring into space while therapists and group therapy told me what to do and how to feel. "You can't take me back there!" My eyes filled up with more tears.

I hadn't even sorted things out with Zack yet, he probably hated me after everything I did to him and Grayson, I didn't even know if he got home alright. I never said goodbye. "Yes, she's been once before." He ignored my screams and protests as I was punching and screaming at him for doing this to me again.

"Dad, no!" I yelled again while trying to take the phone off him but he was way too tall for me to even reach his height.

He set down the phone and walked to the other side of the room. "It's for your own good, Penelope and you know it."

My whole world stopped spinning and I chucked up what was left in my stomach. I clutched my stomach, too in pain to let go. I coughed and spat and cried. "Daddy, please. I hated it there. I was alone, I had nobody."

"But you got better," he sighed as I stood up straight, "you were the girl I knew the night your mother came home for the first time."

I wiped my mouth and noticed the tears in his eyes that were becoming red and puffy like mine were. "Please, I can get better on my own."

He shook his head and walked up to me, ignoring the vomit that lied all over our wooden living room floor. "No, Penelope. You can't." A tear dropped out of his eye and down his cheek, "I hated sending you there but you needed it."

"Then don't send me there," I pleaded, wanting one last chance, "You know I won't make it."

6am.

It was quiet and nobody said anything. The vomit had been cleaned up, the sun was starting to come up across the horizon and it was shinning across the living room. "You'll be checking in this afternoon, pack your bags before we leave."

I still couldn't believe this was happening all over again. The first time was bad enough but a second time? I didn't know if I could handle not seeing the outside world. "It's a nice place with a beach to look out upon. You'll love it there, you'll meet new people who are struggling like you are and it will only be for fifty days."

I stared blankly at the photograph of my mom on the fireplace. I couldn't believe I was back where I started, I couldn't believe I've lost everything I ever cared about.

My dad stood up and approached me; he took my hand and pulled me into a tight hug. "I love you, peach but, it's my job to protect you and I saw what the drinking did to you last time."

I hugged him back, accepting what was going to happen because I couldn't stop it. "Will you visit me?"

"Everyday." He whispered into my ear, never letting me go.

*

As I finished reading Zack's letter, I let out a small whimper. I unpacked my bags and pulled out the last thing that I put in there. A Polaroid of us. The day where I knew I loved him, the day that meant everything to me and the beautiful memories we both shared that I could never let go of.

I placed it on my nightstand along with his beautiful letter. I would be gone for a while but I was coming back for him, I was going to save us and this time, I wouldn't be giving up.

I was going to fight for him, I was going to fight for us.