Words of a Bully

Monday, October 27th

I left the note. I left it right in her locker. There wasn't a note waiting for X at Alex's locker, though. 

Good, I'd rather not communicate with her. This is a one sided conversation. 

I put it in her locker before school, before Alex was even at the school. At lunch she seemed nervous. She should be. She's keeping secrets, same as I am. She ought to be going through the same guilt, pain and anxiety as me. 

Do I need help? 

I find myself writing and thinking terrible things. Sometimes I wonder if what I'm doing is illegal. Is there anything wrong with what I'm doing?

Yes, this is definitely wrong. It is very, very wrong. Nothing's been happening except for the notes and it's like my life seems to revolve around them. Every day at lunch, I'm scared that Alex will bring something up. I don't want her to bring anything up yet. Not yet. 

The thing that I feel worst about is involving Justin. I love Justin. This is why I'm doing it. I've always loved Justin like he was a brother, but now that there may be something more there, I don't want to hurt him. 

But that's the price, isn't it? Romeo and Juliette, people were killed for them to be together. Granted, it was themselves that were killed, but yes, people died. 

Nobody's going to die, though. Maybe emotionally, and I don't even want that. I want to be happy. I want everyone to be happy. But I want to be happy with Justin. I want to be in love and have him love me back. 

I'm crying.