Friday, October 31st

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Well I was forced to go to the Halloween Dance. My parents think that I'm not socializing as much as I used to and it "scares them". 

Don't worry, Mom and Dad. It scares me too. 

It terrifies me. 

I'm sick of pretending. I want to go back to my life before Alex came along. When things were just good. I wasn't constantly anxious. Plus, my grandma was alive. 

I'm not blaming Alex for the death of my grandmother, but I am blaming her for me being so anxious and my life not being as much fun.

The Halloween Dance as actually kind of fun until Alex and Justin showed up. It was a costume party, and everyone was dressed up. I was a pirate, with my curly brown hair in a pony tail, a white, flowy pirate shirt with a red belt and tight black pants. I had a sword at my waist, and high heeled, black boots, as well as an eye patch.

Well Alex and Justin came as a prince and princess. I'd never wanted to slap Alex as much as I did when I saw him carry her over to me, Jamie, Jesse, and Ella bridal style, with her giggling and blushing like a complete fool. 

She was wearing a huge pink dress that fit her tightly through the torso with a large, skirt that spread out and touched the floor. She even had on a tiara. Her hair just got dyed, too. Now it's the same exact color as mine. 

I bet Justin loves it. 

I don't want him to love it. I want him to love it on me, not on her. I don;t want him to love anything she does, wears or says. I don't care how horrible of a person I am, I really don't I want Justin to love me and only me. Is that so much to ask? 

Anyways, at the dance I was sure that I was gonna just choke on my tears when Justin put Alex down and kissed her on the lips like some gross psychopath. I mean, talk about PDA. It was gross. 

Why hasn't he ever kissed me on the lips in public?

The rest of the night was pretty boring. I was kind of left out by Jamie and Jesse who came as Beauty and the Beast. The pink in Jamie's hair didn't go so well with her yellow dress. 

Ella went as the queen of hearts. 

I officially hate Ella. She is so annoying, and I know it's because she hangs out with Alex 24/7. I really wanted to push her down and laugh to the point where people thought I needed a therapist. 

Overall, then night was awful and I ended up going home early. 

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