Words of a Bully

Friday, November 14th

Things are getting difficult, tense and kind of ridiculous. At lunch, we still all sit together, but Alex and Justin and Jamie don't talk to each other. Jamie and Jesse are there the entire time just kissing and stuff. Justin just grumbles things to me, and Alex cries sometimes. She doesn't even get up to leave before she starts crying, she just cries. 

I feel so terrible about it. 

I have ruined something that was actually kind of beautiful. They really did seem to like each other. 

They hadn't even been dating for half a year. Just a few months. It's not like it was true love or anything. 

Right? 

There's no way I destroyed true love. That's just so cliche'. 

After school today, Justin came up to me. I immediately wanted to hide my face and run. I felt like he was going to accuse me of ruining his relationship. I had to calm myself down, take deep breaths and tell myself that it was okay, that he had no idea about this. If he had anyone to be mad at that wasn't Alex or "X" it would be Jamie for telling him. 

For a terrible second, I was worrying about how I looked. It was terrible. Here Justin was, obviously hurt, wanting to talk to me about something that mattered to him, and I was worried about wearing my gym clothes and a messy pony tail. 

"Cassie?" his voice caught in his throat. He looked like he was about to cry. 

"Yeah? Are you okay?" I reached out and grabbed his shoulder, in what I hoped was comforting and not creepy. It was all I could do to keep from pulling away, or clenching my fingers. 

He shook his head. 

"This...hurts..." his voice broke off, and he suddenly wrapped me in a hug. I felt my heart beat hard against my chest, and hoped he couldn't feel it through the sweatshirt that he was wearing. 

"Can I come over? Not tonight, I have to study, but...maybe tomorrow at around one? My parents have to go somewhere with my grandpa, and I don't want to go...I want to...I want to be with you, someone who cares about me. Please?" 

I wanted to punch myself in the face. I wanted to come clean right there. It was all that I could do to keep from crying. 

"Of course," I told him, tears daring to spill down my cheeks. 

"Thanks, Cassie. I really don't know what I'd do without you." 

So now I have Justin coming over tomorrow morning, and in my situation? I'm not sure if it's good or bad.