Let the music guide you Drew.

i thought you loved me

-Drews Pov-

My phone rang loudly at my side, all I wanted to do was lie and ignore it because I knew who it'd be. I wasn't feeling right, only minutes ago I wanted to see Shane and tell him I loved him no matter what, yet now I wanted to abandon it all, become my old self and live my old life in the hope my dad would come back. Is that okay to do? I wasn't too sure but it was what my mind was saying to do.

I looked at my bass lying on my lap, Shane got me into playing into playing that, my dad helped me play it, but right now I couldn't fucking stand it, I slung it over to the other side of the bed carelessly and stood up, I needed a drink.

I knew Shane would try and come to see if I was okay, so why not be shit faced to tell him what was in my mind? I stormed down the stairs straight to the kitchen where the drink was kept in a locked cupboard. I knew exactly where the key was and exactly what I was going to drink, strong, Russian, vodka.

My mum had dozed off in the other room as I could hear her snores, so this was an easy steal.

The cupboard door swung open and I grabbed the bottle, slammed the door and ran upstairs, I needed to drown my sorrows and make some big decisions.

As I reached my room I couldn't hear my phone ringing again, Jesus, can't he leave me alone? I repeated in my head as I picked my phone off to see SHANE in block letters appear, I chucked it next to my bass and unscrewed the cap of my vodka immediately taking a gulp.

Within a few more gulps I had taken, I felt so much more relaxed and free than I ever did with stupid music, music doesn't solve problems, vodka does.

~Shanes pov~

Every call I tried was rejected, I felt so hated by him although I wasn't even sure what had happened between him and his dad, I could picture him upset,sitting there..please god no..I hope he wasn't drinking.

My first instinct was to drop my plans and run to his house, four streets away, I needed to see him.

I left my house immediately, sprinting down my windy road in order to jump a wall and get into Drews scheme, the faster I ran the more my glasses fell off my nose, sliding down, my vision was blurring slightly.

I had visions of him drunk, please no, he makes bad decisions. I was so close to his house but I was scared in case his mother judged me or wouldn't let me in..I was scared that she felt the same way as Drews dad.

His door was seconds away, I could see it, the black paint fresh and the plant pots still set outside. I could hear loud, head banging like music which I assumed was from his room, I was shaking.

I banged on the door and waited, after seconds his mum swing it open and stared at me in surprise.

'Shane...I..I don't think its a good idea to be here..he-'

'No, Let me in, I needs to see him' my hand found itself pushing her out of the way to allow me in.

I ran up the stairs and swung open his door, there he was, lying there, drinking.

'hi'

'what?, am I not allowed to sulk at the fact I just lost my dad for the second time?' He moaned, taking a gulp of the reminents of his bottle.

'You are, I never sa-'

'No, No Shane, you have ruined everything, you have lost me my dad, my fucking dad, I blame you' he slurred, standing up.

'you were the one who led me into losing all my friends, my popularity, my everything, I'm stuck in this bubble, a gay bubble in a stupid relationship with you' he picked up his bass, I was shaking, I could say a thing.

'see this? you got me into this, my dad helped me play, but I'm not in to that anymore' Drew started to raise his voice, dropping the bass down hard on his floor.

my heart was beating

'sorry' sorry? was that all I could whimper? sorry? sorry for being a failure, gay, ugly, boring, geeky, unpopular..I could stand my ground, Drew was controlling me, it felt like it was my dad.

All I could think of doing is leaving, I had only came to see if he is okay but clearly he's drunk and upset and I've ruined his life. I start to walk out, not saying a word, leaving him hopefully to start something without me, he'd be happier then.

"Don't you fucking leave, apologise" he screamed, chucking his empty quarter bottle of vodka at the wall and collapsing onto bed, sitting up and cupping his hands around his face.

I left the room for sure, I wanted to cry but I needed to stay quiet until I got home, I didn't want to embarrass myself, its funny how the one boy I started to love and had shared such a sexual and special moment with the same night had drunkenly turned on me.

On my way down the stairs Drews mum emerged from the hallway, looking up at me sympathetically.

"Shane, honey, come to the living room please?" She asked, holding out her hand as I came down the last few steps.

"O-k-okay" I'm mumbled, holding back the tears and taking her hand as she led me into the old style living room.

We both sat on the couches opposite each other and sat quietly for a few seconds.

"I heard the argument and the smash bottle, I just need to make sure you're okay. Drew loves you, please make sure you know that? He's just upset about his dad, like any son would be-"

I burst into tears "no,no I ruined it he would be happy with his dad and you if I wasn't here I'm better off being the boy in the corner of class who gets bullied, its fine, I've done it for years I can do it again" I cried, Drews mums eyes widening with sympathy

"No, no stop that stop that"

"I can't, its all true I'm an idiot"

She pulled me into a tight hug, an over powering smell of a sweet flowery fragrance filling my now blocked nose.

~ Drews pov ~

Tears. Tears were streaming down my face and I could hear talking downstairs, my first instinct was to go downstairs but the vodka was quickly going to my head and standing up was making me dizzy.

"No no, don't feel this way, its not true" I heard in the voice of my mum..

I got up to my feet and ran down the stairs seeing my mum and shane hugging in the living room. My mum looked up.

"H-have you been drinking?" She asked, her eyebrow started to raise.

"I..n-just a little bit but I need to see Shane" I rushed.

Shane lifted his head slowly to look up at me, just the sight of his teary face through my drunken eyes was heartbreaking

I couldn't quite find the right words to use, I wanted to apologise, to say I'm a horrible person and that I don't deserve him, but in my head it all sounded like gobbildeegook while he sat waiting for me to say something.

'Shane, i-i-'

'you are going to apologise, hope that I forgive you and then we'll all be okay yeah?' he mumbled.

I nodded, probably not the best way to agree with him, but he kind of curled a smile.

'typical woolnough' he laughed, getting to his feet and pulling me into a hug.

'but trust me, do not bother anymore, I am a waste of time, I am better off being out of your life, you go find your dad and sort things out'

I didn't know what to say, we were standing face to face and tears were building up in my eyes.

'i might go move to my aunties, in Scotland, you know, fresh start, no bullying, no being taunted and no more abuse from my dad, gone, just like my brother did, bye Drew, see you in school for a bit' he squeezed my hand and walked out, I was speechless.