A place in my heart

Because she's misunderstood

  How long has it been? A few months? Perhaps it has been longer than that but to all concerned, it was still as If it happened yesterday. The funeral had passed and the mourning ended, yet their eyes still shed tears as they awaited their friend's recovery. Two people were rushed into the hospital that night, yet only one left the operating room alive. And as they live the rest of their semester filled with tears and remorse, they waited the recovery of the survivor in this story.

"Hyukjae!! Hyukjae!!"

Donghae's voice pierced through the silent room as Eunhyuk opened his eyes to see the light in a very long time. It was a miracle that he survived, sustaining such injuries to his body could have killed him instantly. He looks around to see Hangeng and Donghae and he asked for a particular person.

"Where's Heechul?"

Eunhyuk asked  and Donghae cried even more. Her heart couldn't take it, after all this time Eunhyuk cared for Heechul? And she walked away from the room, making Hangeng flare up with anger. He yelled at Eunhyuk as Donghae cried just outside the room, hearing every single word that the two exchanged.

"You almost died because of her! She wanted to kill Donghae and you still care for her?" Hangeng asked with such tone and this angered Eunhyuk.

"Don't you dare accuse her of anything! You don't understand her! " Eunhyuk yelled back, despite the seriousness of his injuries and the pain he's feeling. "Don't you dare say anything about her.. you don't know her as much as I do!"  Hangeng was silent and by now Eunhyuk was crying.  "She sacrificed her life for me.. I was the one dying.. but she chose to go instead of me.. she told me that I have to live.. she cared for Donghae.. she didn't want her to be sad.." Eunhyuk spoke through the tears and Hangeng managed to speak a little.

"but she wanted to kill Donghae.." Hangeng replied sternly. 

" No she didn't.. she wanted to kill herself!" Eunhyuk yelled louder, making both Donghae and Hangeng gasp. "Her life.. you think it was perfect? Hell no! no one wanted her.. she is regarded as a bitch because it's her scapegoat! She is never like that!" Eunhyuk said tearfully and painfully.

"How can you tell.. I've known her more than you do!" Hangeng asked back and Eunhyuk bit his lip.

"I may have been with her for less than a year but I know more than you'll ever know about her! For I tried to understand her and not judge her . I was there when she got scolded by her dad for being a disgrace to the family. I was there when she cried for she can't take the insults. I was there when she wept for she never had the chance to dance with her only love. I was there when she tried to fix Donghae's painting after Hyoyeon ruined it! You were never there to see her cry each night.. blaming herself for all the miseries of the persons she loved.. you were just there to grace her presence when she puts on that mask to hide every pain and misery in her broken life... you were never there to comfort her.. you were never there to see her when she removes her masks.. no one was there but me... no one knew her like I did"

There were more gasps and Hangeng was speechless.

"she was my Noona.. a great noona who took care of me. She knew how hard it was to be someone she's not so she knew how hard it is for me too. She took care of me and even gave her life to make me live.. she only wanted to have a place in your heart, a small space she craved. She didn't even want to be lovers.. just be friends.. for you considering her as a friend is enough.. but you deprived her of that simple wish.. you took away the remaining happiness in her life.. you took away everything and left her with nothing.

 Is it really that hard to see the real Heechul? You never cared nor bother to get to know her so shut up and stop accusing her of anything for you don't know her!!! No one knows her!! No one understands her pain!! NO one!! And until the bitter end.. you never gave her a place in your heart.. not even that small place for you to remember her.. not as the bitch... not the princess.. but the true Heechul who wanted to have friends and have fun with them.. but until the end.. she was still the evil witch.." 

 Eunhyuk cried harder and Hangeng was rooted in his place, taking every single word and stabbing him in the heart. Eunhyuk was right, he never cared nor bothered to get to know her. Perhaps she just wanted to be friends but he got it all wrong. Heechul.. he never gave her a place in his heart.. a small place he deprived her. She grew up carrying the burden of being regarded as a disgrace to the family, and this Hangeng only knew now. And he fell on his knees to cry and blamed himself. Her last words rang in his ears: She's everything that I'm not. Maybe if he had gotten to know her.. things wouldn't end up like this.

~~~***~~~

It was finally their graduation: Hangeng, Shindong, Leeteuk and Kangin all bid their goodbyes to the friends they made and Teachers they respected. They all had bright future ahead of them and although it was hard for them to leave, they must.

During the graduation ceremony, they paid a tribute to the fallen scholar, Kim Heechul. Eunhyuk gave her a speech and he told everyone the other side of Kim Heechul, the fragile girl who dreamed of having a true friend in this unfair world. He cried as he read his speech, he cried and now he's not afraid to show everyone this emotional side of him. He tried his best to make everyone realize how Heechul was a great person.. and although it seemed bizarre, Eunhyuk was the only person who knew how Kim Heechul really lived each day.

It was now time to leave but Hangeng needed to do one last thing. With all his will and determination, he took a step inside Heechul's room. He was surprised to see such a plain room: pristine white walls with a lone dresser, a bed and a floor length mirror. He always regarded her as a princess yet her chamber is nothing like that of a princess's room, not even fit for a director's daughter. He walked around and saw Heechul's diary lying on her bed. He opened it and read the passages; before he knew it, he was crying.

"ironic isn't it.. People say how privileged her life is being the director's daughter yet no one knew how hard it is for her."

Hangeng wiped his tears as he searched the room for the voice, Eunhyuk was standing in front of the door.

"she always told me that this is her haven, a safe place from the world outside. When she's inside this room, she can be herself. Most of the times.. " Eunhyuk paused and walked towards the floor length mirror.

"well all the time, she would lay on her bed and write on her diary as she cries her heart out. You can see the pages soaked with her tears." Eunhyuk smiled as he continues.

"sometimes, she would stare at the mirror and talks to herself how hard it is to pretend and that she would want to end it as soon as possible. She tried to kill herself by starving, by taking pills or by even lacerating her wrist." Eunhyuk paused as Hangeng stood and walked towards him.

"but she was a strong woman. She wanted to live for you." Eunhyuk continued

"when the door of this room closes, no one can hear you from the outside, yet you can perfectly hear them. So no one knew that she can hear every insult, every curse and every cuss words thrown at her... and no one hears her cry at night or screams at herself.. no one knew how much she wanted to end her life.. " Eunhyuk faced Hangeng and smiled.

"I just wished that you just gave her this small chance to prove herself..." Eunhyuk walked away leaving Hangeng to ponder at his words.. in the end, he knew it was all his fault and now that Heechul is gone, he realizes how big her place is in his heart.