A Year of Stories (Collection Two)

A Word With My Muse

"You called?"

"Yea."

"...And?"

"I need help."

"OK."

"I've got a plane to catch."

"Which is my problem because..."

"Because I need to write a story, and you're..."

"Yea, I know... So, when is the plane?"

"Couple hours."

"You know, you could have done this yesterday."

"I could have done a lot of things. Are you here to scold me or help me?"

"I'm here to help you...Tell me, what have you got so far?"

"I was thinking about just filling the page with oblique pop culture references – you know like Astro Zombies or Morning Glories or that one book Jeff Vandermeer edited about all those fake diseases..."

"Are you sure it was Jeff and not his wife?"

"Yea, it was Jeff."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."

"You mean The Thackery T. Lambshead Pocket Guide to Eccentric and Discredited Diseases?"

"Yea, that one."

"Why would you do that?"

"Because it sounds deep, and I don't have to come up with an ending. I can pretty much end something like that in the middle of a sentence and it would be just as good."

"That doesn't sound 'deep,' that sounds stupid."

"I know... It does, doesn't it? But the alternative is to write until 3AM and die on my way to the airport."

"Where are you going anyway?"

"Rhode Island."

"Interesting, why?"

"Swords."

"Swords?"

"Yea, swords."

"Huh."

"I know, right?"

"Right. So, the story, got anything else?"

"Plenty, but no time to write any of it."

"How about a letter to the editor?"

"Did it."

"Some kind of fake ad?"

"It's not Friday."

"Maybe a Nolan-esque detective thing?"

"If I had time for that, I wouldn't need you."

"Well, it looks like you're screwed.

"Really? That's what you have for me?"

"Just trying to be honest."

"I don't need honesty, I need help."

"Well, there is always the nuclear option."

"And that is?"

"Are you sure you want me to tell you? You can really only pull it off once, and there are a lot of stories left to write."

"I mean, I don't have much of a choice now, do I?"

"I guess not. In that case, look up..."

"Nice..."