Crazy Fate (One Direction fanfic)

Chapter 34

Tressa's POV:

"Tressa! You aren't supposed to do anything! What did I say?" I sighed, as my boyfriend scolded me, yet again, for doing a simple task. Washing the dishes. "Harry, it's just washing the dishes. I'm not that hurt." I said. He wouldn't let me do anything. Claiming that I'd hurt myself even more. Please. It's a broken leg, a sprained wrist. I'll live. But, he refuses to let me do even the easiest of tasks. Says he'll take care of it. It's been a couple weeks since I got out of the hospital, but I still have about four weeks left on my cast. I don't see why I can't do anything. He sat me down on a stool on the island and moved over to the sink. "I know. But, you still are hurt. Until you're better, you're not doing anything." He told me, as he finished the dishes I had started. "I just don't see why I can't do stuff. That seems a little ridiculous, doesn't it?" I asked, and he shook his head, no. "Why would it be?" He questioned back, and I just stared blankly at him. I shook my head, and started singing softly.

"We clawed, we chained, our hearts in vain

We jumped, never asking why

We kissed, I fell under your spell

A love no one could deny

Don't you ever say I just walked away

I will always want you

I can't live a lie, running for my life

I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball

I never hit so hard in love

All I wanted was to break your walls

All you ever did was wreck me

Yeah, you, you wreck me

I put you high up in the sky

And now, you're not coming down

It slowly turned, you let me burn

And now, we're ashes on the ground

Don't you ever say I just walked away

I will always want you

I can't live a lie, running for my life

I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball

I never hit so hard in love

All I wanted was to break your walls

All you ever did was wreck me

I came in like a wrecking ball

Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung

Left me crashing in a blazing fall

All you ever did was wreck me

Yeah, you, you wreck me

I never meant to start a war

I just wanted you to let me in

And instead of using force

I guess I should've let you win

I never meant to start a war

I just wanted you to let me in

I guess I should've let you win

Don't you ever say I just walked away

I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball

I never hit so hard in love

All I wanted was to break your walls

All you ever did was wreck me

I came in like a wrecking ball

Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung

Left me crashing in a blazing fall

All you ever did was wreck me

Yeah, you, you wreck me

Yeah, you, you wreck me"

I finished singing, and by then Harry was done with the dishes. He was looking at me, an unreadable expression on his face. "What?" I wondered, confused at why he was staring at me. "You're crying..." He started, and I brought my hands up to my face. My cheeks were wet with salty tears, that I hadn't even noticed were coming. I wiped it away, He doesn't need to worry about me. "Are you okay?" He asked, shuffling over to me, and grabbed my hands. "I'm fine." I said, and hopped off the stool. "Wait. Are you?" He still had a grip on my hands, and I looked away. "Yes. I'm fine. Don't worry." I answered, and pulled my hands from his. I hobbled to the living room, and sat down.

The T.V. was off, and I wasn't planning on turning it on anytime soon. I just wanted silence. Slience helped me recolect my thoughts. I could think clearly, without having anyone get into my head. My mind was simply that. Mine. And I guess that's good. Because if anyone knew what was going on inside my thoughts, I would be on serious watch.

You see, I had problems in high school. Everyone saw me as the happy, "always smiling" girl. People didn't even think that I was the total opposite. I could easily hide my emotions with a fake smile, and no one, not even Shana, would notice. I was just that good. Hiding your emotions well has some benefits. No one will guess that you're hurting, or need help. Everyone assumes that you're okay, even if you're really not. People don't ask, and you don't have to tell. But, not telling also means having a constant battle with yourself. Sometimes, you can't fight the voices in your head, telling you that you're worthless, that you don't belong on the Earth anymore. Telling you that you're alone. Telling you that no one would even care if you die. It's pretty fucked up, actually. And after a while of arguing with the voices, saying that you are worth it. You belong here, you're not alone. People do care. You start to think, 'What if they're right? What if nobody cares about me? What if I'm alone, and worthless, and I don't belong here? What if?' It starts to take over your thoughts, and eventually, you start to believe them. 

It's hard to fight off, too. Because by not telling anyone, this is your burden to carry. Only you can help push the thoughts away. No one's there to save you from yourself. Just you. And that feeling, being alone, is the worst feeling ever. No one notices that you slowly slip away. They don't think that you aren't fine, that you're constantly battling with yourself. Fake smiles can be your best friend, at this point. But, eventually, they'll become your worst. When this unhappiness takes over your brain, nobody will know, unless you tell them. And telling them means bothering them with their problems. You tell yourself that you don't want to do that. You don't want to bring them into your fucked up mind.

And slowly, you'll start to crumble. You'll stop caring, and nothing matters anymore. Except that one thing that can save you from the pain. Whatever you do to take your mind off the pain in your heart, becomes an addiction, of sorts. You can't let go of it, even if you wanted to. Can't stop doing whatever is breaking you even more than before. It can kill you. And it will. If you can't stop it. But, that doesn't matter while you're hurting yourself even more. You just want numbness. It becomes your best friend, even if you try to fight it. And all the while, you're breaking, bit by bit. Soon enough, you're broken beyond repair. It's too late to save your happiness. You hope that someday, you'll get that emotion back. But, you don't know, It seems too far fetched. Happiness just isn't reachable anymore. 

Author's Note:

Hey, sorry guys that I haven't written in a while. Sorry that this isn't very long, and it's depressing. I guess I just poured out my feelings into writing. High school is kicking my ass, so I won't update as often. Thanks to all the people who voted, it means a lot to us! And thank you to the people who have followed me, as well as our 1,200 reads. We couldn't have done it without you guys! I love you all, and stay beautiful. -Tressa xx

P.S: If you haven't heard Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus, I seriously recommend that you do. It's an awesome song.