Crazy Fate (One Direction fanfic)

Chapter 35

Tressa POV:

I guess you could say I have depression. I never really told anyone about it, it didn't seem that important to me. I dealt with it everyday. I still do. But, to me, that's irrelevant. My happiness doesn't mean anything, if I can make others happy. That's what I like to do. I love to see everyone happy and smiling, like I used to be. It kind of justifies, in my mind, that my happiness means nothing. And that's what I've been telling myself. It's been working, too. 

I zone back in to see Harry sitting next to me, a worried expression on his beautiful face. I hope I haven't been crying again. That'll worry him even more. And I don't want that. 

"What?" I ask, wanting nothing more than for him to just drop it. I don't really want to explain my depression, or my cuts, now, faded scars that I hide with long sleeves. And, when you live in England, it's easy to do. 

"There's something you're not telling me." He answers, simply. It's not a question; it's a statement. He mentioned the only thing that I don't want to talk about. Even to him. Because if he sees my scars, he'll think differently of me. Maybe even disgusted with me. But, if he feels like he needs to know, then maybe I should tell him.

"No, there isn't." I reply, I decide against spilling my feelings to him, at least for now. I don't want to sound like an attention whore. he doesn't have to know everything. I mean, I haven't done it since I was sixteen. 

"Yes, there is. Please. Just tell me. I want to help you." He pleads with me, his voice cracking. I can't do it; I can't let him into my mind. I can't tell him why I'm hurting, why I've harmed myself. 

"I can't." I answer, plainly. I can't open up, and I prefer not to. He doesn't need this, need my problems. He's already 1/5 of the biggest boyband in the world. I won't put this on his shoulders, as well. 

"Why not?" He tries again to get me to open up. But, I won't budge. I'm not going to tell him this. I can't. Simply, because I would rather him not worry about me. But, apparently, he wants to know.

"Damnit, Harry! I can't tell you, okay?! This isn't something you should worry about. I'm not fine, but that doesn't matter. I'd rather you not worry about me. I'm not worth it." I started to yell, but got quieter and quieter, until my last sentence was just a whisper. I'm a broken person. I'll always be that way. I can't fix it, and nobody can.

"Why the hell not? I don't understand why you can't trust me! Am I not trustworthy, as your boyfriend?" He asks, and I figure I can't shut him out. He deserves to know. I'd want to know if he was doing that. 

"Here goes nothing." I say, and pull my sleves on my sweater up, past my elbows. The faded slashes are white, in comparison to my tan skin. His facial expression changes, from anger to surprised, to hurt. Why does he look hurt? He shouldn't care. No one should care about me.

"W-why?" His straightforward question shocks me, at how it's so simple, yet so complicated. I have to ponder this question for a moment, figuring out what I want to say. I finally decided on an answer.

"I'm not who you think I am. I've been fighting with my depression since I was fifteen. These are old, but, as you can see, they will stay here forever. It reminds me everyday of how no one should care. That's why I haven't told anyone. Not Jorja, not Shana. I've kept it to myself. I'm tired of hiding it. So, here you go. This is what I haven't told you. My depression, my scars, they're apart of me. I can't hide that part from you anymore. If you don't want this anymore, I understand." I say, looking away. I don't want to see him leave. But, instead of feeling the couch move, feeling his presence leaving, I feel a large hand grasp mine, intertwining the fingers. 

"I'm not leaving. I would never. I still love you, scars and all. You're broken now, but I'm going to fix you. One piece at a time. I promise." His stares move from my eyes, to my wrists. He does something that makes my sobs cut loose. He brings my wrist up to his lips, and kisses every single one of them. And somehow, the pain of the faded cuts, starts to die away. 

In this moment, I realize that he can fix me. I'm not alone, and people do care. I'm not the only one who deals with this. I can choose to let go, and move on. Or, I can choose to hold onto the pain that I've been fighting for years. I choose to let him in. My depression will always be there, but maybe, it won't bother me everyday. Knowing that, I can live with myself more easily now. 

"I love you, Harry Styles. Sometimes, fate has a crazy way of making everything alright. I'm glad it has brought me to you."

Author's Note:

The End. Thank you all for reading our story, its meant a lot to us. I'll be starting a new story, as well as putting an epilogue up for you. I hope you liked the ending, I figured that it's good to end the story well. I'll let you know, by updating in this book, on my book's name and stuff like that. I love you all. Thanks for over a thousand reads! Stay beautiful. -Tressa .xx