The Only Way is Up

Part Thirty Five

Chapter Thirty Five

Nicole's head hurt, it always did when she cried a lot. Why was she crying? She tried to open her eyes but they were puffy, stuck together. Slowly it all came back, the email, the gym fight, Maxim, arriving at her door, the words he said.

As it all came rushing back to her she wanted to cry, he'd told her that she made him think of forever, made him WANT a future. If there was a perfect thing to say, then that would be it, but Nicole wasn't blessed with any confidence or optimism. Despite it all, she was still thinking of the women, still thinking of how poorly she held up compared to them. She could hear that voice that was decidedly Kim's in her head telling her she was crazy, but she couldn't listen, she was a bit geeky, a bit overweight and a lot older than him, or any of the women he hung out with. That wasn't going to go away.

Pulling herself to sitting she grimaced, she hadn't showered after the gym; she stunk, and felt like shit. As she stood she heard a sound downstairs, Maxim...he'd stayed.

"Shit!" She couldn't contain the curse that the thought of that caused. She wasn't feeling up to facing him. But as she walked to the shower the smell of something delicious wafted up the stairs. She almost moaned in satisfaction, but she needed that wash before she investigated. But as she scrubbed her body, soaped her hair, those smells from downstairs only increased. By the time she stepped out of the shower she was ravenous.

Pulling on a camisole and her pyjama shorts, she brushed her hair, then wrapped her robe around her defensively. She needed some defence against the man presumably waiting downstairs.

When she finally entered the lounge which opened onto her kitchen diner, she stopped in her tracks. Maxim was sat facing her, relaxed on the sofa, his scruffy dog curled up on his lap. With his arms stretched along the back of the sofa and his head tipped back, for a moment she thought he was asleep, then she noticed that his hooded eyes were on her, watching her every move.

"Hi," she offered, suddenly so nervous, things felt awkward.

Lifting his head he gave her a slow and seductive smile, "are you feeling any better?"

She nodded, "you didn't have to stay, I'm ok."

"That may be so, but to be honest, if I left I think that you wouldn't let me back in."

Sidestepping into the room, she was glad of the wall behind her, leaning against it gratefully, "I don't understand why you're here."

Grinning he scratched the dog behind her ear and she wriggled appreciatively, Nicole closed her eyes for a moment, wishing that it was her having his fingers touching her, not the dog. He spoke before she opened her eyes and she knew that he understood how she was feeling.

"I googled my name...earlier. I had no idea that my life looks so cheap."

That surprised her and her eyes flew open and she found herself staring at him, "cheap?" Her voice sounded hoarse to her own ears and she tried desperately to swallow the emotion that was almost choking her.

Nodding, he studied her intently, SO aware of her every move, "I had no idea that I'd had such a temporary existence. Only interested in what I could get every day, no thought for the future, no real care about the following day. And I blame that as the reason for me making a mess of this, of us." Lifting Gryaznyy and lowering her to the floor, he stood to face her, "yes, don't look so confused. I understand what's happening. And I am sorry."

"Sorry?"

She'd fallen asleep feeling grossly inadequate, thinking that despite his words he was way out of her league, instead, he was stood there apologising, blaming himself and his own inadequacies for the doubt in her. The rest of the evening seemed a blur; she could barely remember why they were there, what they were arguing about. Then the twinge of pain from her lip reminded her.