The Only Way is Up

Part Fifty Four

Chapter Fifty Four

A/N I have battled with this chapter, not quite how I intended it, but that's what happens with rewrites, hope you enjoy...it's all building to a head, hope you can all feel that.

"So where is he now?"

Nicole chuckled at Kim's theatrical whisper, "he's gone for a jog, with Budgie. Think he needed to clear his head."

"Ah," Kim was back to her normal volume. "So you feel ok?"

Nicole was stretched out on the sofa, and felt really relaxed, for the first time in ages, "I do. I've told him that he can be part of our lives, but that I can't cope with more."

"So he's staying in your spare room. You telling me that you won't be wandering in there in the middle of the night when your hormones are going doolally?"

"Shut up!" She snapped, though it wasn't with anger or animosity.

Kim laughed, "I know you! You wouldn't have forgiven him at all if you didn't care."

"He's my baby daddy."

Again her friend laughed, "and that's all, hey? Look girlfriend, don't try to compartmentalise everything. Not long ago he was your opposite half, you've never been as happy as those months with him. I KNOW that. You are allowed to let him back in. It's not against the rules."

"He ruined me Kim, don't you remember?"

She sighed, "I'm not denying it was hard, but you're wrong. Vincent ruined you, not Max. He gave you back your confidence; he made you the person you always were. He made you see that you never needed anyone else."

"You're right...I don't need anyone else." Suddenly Nicole felt tears well in her eyes and hated that.

"Nic, please. Don't close your doors, ok? Just promise me that. Me of all people wanted to kill him for what he did, but he's as broken without you, as you are without him, so if there's a little hint that you still love him, don't close that door completely, ok?"

There it was, the first tear, she'd tried not to cry over him for months, and she'd kept things controlled so well, for so long. But now he was here, he was back, he was remorseful...and Kim was guilting her further.

"Kim, go easy on me? Ok?"

"Always lovely girl, I just want you to be happy, you know that. And I never thought I'd say it, but I think that's him. Think about it."

Nicole slumped back on the sofa; she'd sat up as her emotions had peaked; now she felt exhausted. "I trust him, I understand what happened, and I forgive him it all Kim, but I can't let it happen again. I'm not ready for that."

"I can see that, and I don't blame you, but I just think you've both been dealt a shit hand, you have to decide where you want this all to end. Ok? But I'm hoping you won't get bogged down in comparing this to Vincent and all that shit, because this is different. Max didn't want to hurt you, and he didn't betray you for selfish reasons. He's not Vincent."

Nicole was angry at that, "I know Kim, I know that. But I also have to think of ME in all this. Look at what has happened because I let him in; I can't let that happen again."

Kim leapt into defensive mode, "I'm not doubting you...I just want you to be happy Nic, that's all I keep saying, cos it's all I care about. Don't be rash, ok?"