just a school project || a hs phan au

Chapter 23

a/n: suprise suprise i am not dead i just had no motivation to write for three weeks. i still do not. i blame mental illnesses, probably.

edit: thank you for those of you telling me to put my mental health before my writing, but i have different conditions so it's not exactly like that but i'm a little better now so it's chill that i'm kinda writing

-

Somehow, when Dan wakes up the next morning, he's not worried. He thinks to himself that maybe he just doesn't care what people think anymore, and maybe the things Phil does can't bother him.

In reality, the problem is that he trusts Phil. It's not that he doesn't care, it's that there's a part of him telling him Phil won't tell anyone out of the goodness of his own heart.

Maybe that's how he's gotten so many people to fall for him, Dan thinks. Making them trust him in order to get them in bed or whatnot, for a stupid bet or a dare.

Either way, technically Phil has won the dare. And that part makes him sick to his stomach.

He barely realizes for the first few moments after waking up that Phil is still next to him, only wearing boxers. And yet somehow, there's no fear. He feels disgusted with only himself to the point his head is turning, but he isn't afraid. Only upset, at most.

He doesn't move at all. He stays as still as he can, even regulating his breathing for reasons unknown even to him. He doesn't want to wake Phil, even if somewhere inside him he just wants to scream at him. Who's fault is it, anyway?

Sometime, Phil does wake up. Dan feels him stirring around beside him before finally sitting up, barely managing a smile that's halfway between rueful and solemn. He knows what Dan is feeling, and he knows what's coming.

"Hey," Phil says quietly, cautiously, as though Dan could explode at any minute. It already feels like he could.

Dan stays quiet. He gets up, and Phil watches him as he pulls some tee shirt over his head. Phil sits up as well, grabbing his clothes and putting them on.

Phil takes an audible deep breath before speaking. "Dan, I'm sorry."

"I don't care," Dan spits out without thinking.

"I'm serious," Phil insists. "Look, it's not my fault anyways. You were completely fine with-"

"For Christ's sake, shut up. It's never your fault. Okay, I gave consent, and that is my fault. That doesn't mean I'm happy about it. And saying it's not your fault that you slept with some boy for a dare is literal bullshit."

"Okay, I get that you're upset and everything, but-"

Dan puts his hand up to shush him, and Phil does so.

"Get out."

Phil looks down at him. "Dan."

"No." Dan tries to look as serious as he can because right now, he just wants to be alone. "I said get out."

Phil doesn't argue this time, grabbing his stuff before standing up. "I'll see you in school."

"No," Dan repeats. His voice has loudened a lot, but he can't stop it from cracking as he speaks. "Get out of my life."

-

The amount of time Dan spends considering what his life would be like without the interference of Phil Lester is amazing.

Of course, all of that is shattered when he's forced back to reality on Monday.

Phil isn't there. Well, he's never there before the bell rings. But even when he walks in ten minutes after they've already started class, he doesn't sit by Dan. He sits by his friends.