just a school project || a hs phan au

Chapter 24

         

a/n: gross fluff and bad writing.

p.s. ^i'm not looking for attention when saying that. don't give me any.

-

Dan promises himself that he'll stay together while talking to Phil this time. He can't keep repeating the same cycle of getting mad at Phil, but falling for him anyways.

Phil suggests meeting at his house, and Dan doesn't really care where it is. He gets ready as usual, and after school, he marches over to Phil's house. It takes all he has not to return back home. He already feels humiliated, for whatever reason.

Phil answers the door, tells his mother that Dan is over in record time, and drags Dan upstairs as quick as possible. Dan bites back any sarcastic remarks about how quick he's being right now, as though this is something urgent.

"Okay, we have to talk," Phil says. He sits down on his bed, and waits for Dan to do the same.

Dan sighs and sits down. "About what?"

"I-" Phil pauses. "Okay, so I don't know exactly what to say, or how I'm supposed to say it. But I need you to not be mad."

Dan thinks about it for a minute. "Okay, that part I can apologize for. I know I said I wasn't going to be mad. I just got overwhelmed with feelings, and I shouldn't have gone off at you." He takes a deep breath. "Sorry about the stuff I said."

"That's fine," Phil answers quickly. "That's not what I want to talk about."

"What do you want?"

"Have you ever had feelings for someone?"

"I mean, yeah. That's a stupid question, Phil."

"Well, I still think I kind of do for you."

Dan takes a moment to process it, because this goes against anything he's thought about Phil before. "The bet is over and-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. The stupid bet is done. I slept with you or whatever. I don't care about the bet. I didn't."

"You didn't tell anyone about the bet, did you? I never heard about that. No one's taunted me for that- Not even Pj. So, unless all your friends have succdenly became nice people, I'm guessing you didn't tell?"

Phil nods, only slowly.

"Why didn't you?"

"I don't know. I don't want to ruin you. I don't want you to feel bad for me doing something stupid again because I'm kind of an asshole."

"Yeah, you kind of are," he replies bitterly. But then he pauses, because he still can't take it all in. It's all happening too quickly. "Is this for another bet or something?"

"Look, I know I've been an asshole in the past. To you, to everyone else. But I need you to trust me on this. I kind of like you, Dan."

He tries not to look skeptical, but the words do come out much too easily. "I kind of like you too, Phil."

"Does that mean-" Phil pauses because he isn't sure what to say.

Dan doesn't say a word either. Every other detail in the room is what he tries to focus on instead. The fan, the posters, and how close Phil is to him.

Maybe Phil is a detail that he ends up focusing on nonetheless.

"I can't just trust you like that," Dan answers. "I'm afraid to do that anyways. But I don't particularly hate you or anything."

"Is that supposed to reassure me of something?"

"No," Dan answers. "Phil, you slept with me for a bet. Do you know how humiliating that is?"

"You were fine with it."

"That doesn't matter. You can't try and do people's emotions like that."

There's silence for a second, to the point Dan can hear Phil take a breath. "I didn't sleep with you for the bet."

"What?"

"I didn't fuck you because my friends wanted me to, first of all. I did that because I wanted to. Just like everything else. Maybe I didn't approach everything in the best manner possible, but it was all willingly. I liked the dates, the kisses, even the project. I don't know. It sounds stupid, I get that, but- I don't know how else to say it. I don't like people often. Not like that, anyways."

"You're rambling, Phil."

Phil forces a smile that looks almost rueful. "Am I?'

"It's fine," Dan answers. "I don't really mind. I get what you're trying to say, I just don't know if I can believe all that."

"I don't blame you," Phil says, adding a laugh that seems almost bitter. And this is a totally difference idea of Phil Lester, Dan realizes. Not the Phil Lester that tries flirting with everybody or the Phil Lester who drinks and does drugs just about of spite. This is Phil Lester, alone with Dan Howell, not trying to impress anyone. 

Dan considers it a moment, but he doesn't answer. Instead, he falls back onto Phil's bed, not caring what Phil thinks. He just stays quiet, staring up at the fan and the ceiling. Of course he wants to say yes. This is what he's wanted Phil to say this entire time, but it never works out this perfectly, especially not with Phil Lester.

"Maybe we should go on a date or something," Dan suggests coolly. "If, y'know, you won't pretend you're using me for a bet again if we get caught."

"I'm sorry about that too. I have a lot to be sorry for. I'm not ashamed of you, really. I guess I've kind of been thinking about how you said I care about my reputation and all too much, and I guess you're right. You usually are. I don't really give a shit what people think, or I shouldn't, anyways. I like you and that's really all that matters with that."

"You talk a lot when you let yourself say what you want."

"Should I stop?"

"No, I like this a lot better. When you're saying what you want rather than trying to look all cool and badass."

"I am badass," Phil laughs.

"Oh, shut up," Dan laughs as well. "You're just a dork."

"I am not," Phil argues.

"You honestly are, shut up."

"Then was that a yes to the date thing?"

Dan doesn't hesitate. "Yeah, I suppose. One date, we see how that goes. Then we'll see."

Phil grins, genuinely this time. Not a flirty half-smirk, but a genuine smile. "Can I kiss you now?"

Dan rolls his eyes, but kisses Phil once anyways. "I'll see you tomorrow at school."

"And after school tomorrow for our date," Phil adds, and Dan just smiles.